Impasse

If my intention is for your benefit, but my method is unfair, then please pardon my effort; either I am not compassionate enough, blinded by my little understanding of your personal struggles, or my sincere attempt to help you is being misunderstood because of your complacency in your pride notwithstanding the circumstances.

Coming on the last stretch

About three weeks left of school.... time to really crank things up a notch. I'm not in the best of spirits to really go for it but I've resolved to end these last weeks strong.

It doesn't help that this past Monday wasn't the best day... lol.

This Christmas is going to be amazing.

Books

So yesterday I was at a thrift store and searched around, then found myself in the used book section.  With as much I have to read for school already, I still couldn't stop myself from buying a book - and at a great, great price I may add. lol

"Vegetable Destiny"

Foolish impatient apricot trees,
gave off flowers in too great a hurry.

Look at them, as in years past,
wind-frozen, thin and vain,

on the branches, with transparent blood
I don't know how to staunch -

for the frost, cruel though it seems,
pays no heed to apricots.

The other trees, far-sighted,
await the floral hour quietly,
with dutiful branches and closed buds,

oblivious to apricot-tree death.

-Nina Cassian 

(translated from Romanian by Michael Impey and Brian Swann)  

Happy Thanksgiving!

Perhaps the first literary account of the idea of Native Americans and Pilgrims having a meal together (with the epitome that is a turkey) is vividly written by colonist William Bradford in Of Plymouth Plantation.  I had the chance this semester to read portions of this text, especially the "first Thanksgiving account".  It was really interesting that the image that I was taught throughout my life of how the "first Thanksgiving" looked sounded extremely like how Bradford wrote it! The irony is that the actual event is less than likely to have ever happened (at least, not in the way Bradford described it with happy feelings of peace).  However, what did connect in the way of Thanksgiving was the colonists' appreciation for their belief of God's Providence in their lives; the idea stands to American culture today: Thank God for all his blessings.

Woke up this morning really contemplating all the blessings I've been given throughout my life... I'm a really blessed guy.  Everything truly happens for a reason.  Thank God!

Hoping that you and your family have a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving.

"Life is a single skip for joy...."

... But you have to "cut the rope to make the leap".

"A light fringe of snow...

"A light fringe of snow lay like a cape on the shoulders of his overcoat and like toecaps on the toes of his goloshes; and, as the buttons of his overcoat slipped with a squeaking noise through the snow-stiffened frieze, a cold fragrant air from out-of-doors escaped from crevices and folds" - James Joyce, "The Dead"

Push it to the limit... and beyond.

If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going - Winston Churchill

Travelling

Oh, the world! But first, disclaimers:

“Now to escape involves not just running away, but arriving somewhere.” ― Bernhard Schlink, The Reader

"Travelling is a fool's paradise. Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places.  At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness.  I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern Fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled them.  I seek the Vatican, and the palaces. I affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but I am not intoxicated.  My giant goes with me wherever I go" - Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

"If you're not thankful for what you've got now, you'll never be thankful for how much more you'll be given" - Unknown

No allure and majestic place will cure the hurt of the soul - it may soothe, but it cannot cure. Just had to get that out of the way first, before I...

OH I CANNOT WAIT TO TRAVEL! If God wills it, and I earnestly pray it so, I'd love to appreciate this world beyond Sacramento (I love Sacramento, by the way).  There's so much out there in the world.  I think we sometimes get caught in the illusion that here's all there is but there's so much more out there to see and experience. It's the ambition to travel that really helps to get me motivated.... becoz someday, someday, I'll be out there.  And I can't wait.

I was listening to B.o.B's new song "So Good" and I really love it! I've blogged about B.o.B a long time ago, and I still follow his stuff as of now.  It's a clever song with many lines talking about international experiences, really gets me in the mood to travel!

Here's the first verse:

"Drinking a German beer (aha) with a Cuban cigar (ever)
In the middle of Paris with a Dominican bar (aha)
Great head on her shoulders (ha), she probably studied abroad (aha)
She transferred to Harvard from King's College in March
She says that I'm her favorite cause she admires the art
Michelangelo with the flow, Picasso with the bars
She's well put together like a piece by Gershwin
Renaissance style, tonight is picture perfect
S-smile and pack your bags real good baby
Cause you'll be gone for a while, while, while...

So who's with me in discovering this world?

"One of the hardest decisions of life is whether to walk away or try even harder."

- Unknown

The tough part about this true quote is how to apply the point it makes to your life.  At what point does a dream you've been working so hard for become unrealistic?  At the point when you've become despondent? It's tough for me to say, this quote does ring loud in my mind whenever I come to question my ambitions. 

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” ― Albert Einstein

The Classic, Romantic, and Reflective

"Historically... there are data for marking the genius of the Classic, of the Romantic, and now of the Reflective or Philosophical age... In fact, I believe each individual passes through all three.  The boy is a Greek; the youth, romantic; the adult, reflective" - Ralph Waldo Emerson, The American Scholar

As pertains to last blog:

I figured out the reason why the same experience can be described as either hollow or rich (read last blog).

An experience will always be described as being rich because at the time you were experiencing the particular event you either felt or realized that you were loved beyond words in that moment.

And indeed, aren't we always loved by the good and merciful God every single moment of our lives?

Hmmm.... perhaps I'm thinking too much (again)

I noticed that something, anything, can be experienced in two ways: hollow or rich.  Now, how and why the same experience can be described as either hallow or rich is different for each person, I think.  Nevertheless, I've been more and more able to distinguish between the two and choose wisely.  It's the difference between something being either ordinary or special, a formality or memorable.  It's the difference between being go through life or living life.

Lovely song

Another great Gabrielle Aplin song:



Gabrielle Aplin - "Panic Cord"

And do you think greatness isn't for you?

"Meek young men grow up in libraries, believing it their duty to accept the views, which Cicero, which Locke, which Bacon, have given, forgetful that Cicero, Locke, and Bacon were only young men in libraries, when they wrote these books." - Ralph Waldo Emerson, The American Scholar

I hope that no one brings themselves down because of the belief that there is an idealized approach to gaining a certain type of success/achievement. 

Home

Recently I've been listening to a lot of music from a UK artist named Gabrielle Aplin.  One song that has really been replaying for me is her single "Home", a reflection on what a "home" is.  Her take is eloquently clear in her song, which strikes many resonating chords within me.

Something that may not be so clear is her music video for the song, which honestly was very beautifully filmed, very aestetically attractive.  However, unlike most music videos which usually depict a storyline in the song, it didn't seem at first to connect much to her song.  At first watch all I thought it was about was a girl wandering about beautiful scenery trying to find where her "home" was... which didn't really seem too fulfilling an interpretation.  I had to think for a while about it, it was just odd how I didn't get much out of the music video, that it didn't seem to convey as much heart as the song did. 

I knew it looked beautiful... but after many replays, something became apparent to me that was more than looks, I started to realize the beauty behind the looks, and once I did, I felt overwhelmed by the power of the music video when finally, to me, the song and the video finally synced.

The studio verson of the song, the music video version, was very climatic with a very powerful percussion end, and this is also where the music video ended as the song ended.  I can say now that the thought of a girl wandering about is true, but isn't the fullness of the music video. 

The final scene came together and affirms Miss Aplin's creativity.  As the darkness came to surround her, she held up her light.

"It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt (or Chinese Proverb)

That is where her "home" was... it was that light in her life were she could go to when life became darkened, when the path was cloudy and vague and hard to get through.  The music synced beautifully, the beat of life, the loud, call-to-rise-and-life percussion embodied the livliness of finally seeing the light, the vigor of renewed hope.  Perhaps, even, the darkness had to surround her so that she could finally realize she needed the light to get through it, as if the darkness served a purpose, that the daylight itself had confused her, had her searching about in all the wrong place, when really, her "home", the home she was looking for, was her light.

For me, when things seem to get dark, when things start to seem cloudy and I don't know what to do, I turn to my light, stay close to it, hope, trust, and fight on. 

Congratulations Re-Elected President Obama

The electorate has been counted and the United States of America have chosen to reelect President Barack Obama as the President of the United States of America.  May God be with him and his Administration and may he, with God's help, lead this nation graciously to solve the difficult problems the American people face today. 
 
I love this country and my heart, though saddened, stays firm in trust of the Providence of the Almighty God for this great nation.  I love the people of this great nation and only hope and pray for the best for them.

Gov. Romney and Mr. Paul Ryan, I applaud both of your combined efforts for this great nation.  Thank you both for trying your best in this election and, Gov. Romney, in response to your sincere concession speech, thank you for standing as an example of a man unwaivering in his faith of the greatness of this nation. Gov. Romney, you fought the good fight, thank you. 

Election day 2012

I am so blessed to be an American, to have the right to be able to vote for who I deem worthy and to my own conscience.

Romney 2012

Superstorm Sandy Aftermath

Looking at the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy is seriously heart-breaking.  The hardest part about it, now that the storm is over, perhaps has to be the cold. I can't imagine trying to sleep at night without any heater (coz of no electricty), especially if I didn't even have a home, when it's less than 30 degrees F outside!  That's unbearable cold to me... when I'm walking out in jeans, jacket, scarf, and gloves at 60 degrees I have an uncomfortable time...think about weather twice as cold to try to sleep in!

Hoping for a quickest recovery possible to all my East Coast American sisters and brothers. Godspeed!

“He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.”

— Leo Tolstoy

Fighting Bad Thoughts

.... and no, I'm not talking about bad, dirty thoughts. I have my share of bad thoughts, discouraging, worrisome, fearful thoughts. It's pretty tormenting. But I have good reason to be hopeful and stay strong, and, especially, push through when things get really bad and clouds of doubt cover my skies. There is a fight. It's not the fight you think about when you think of the word "fighting" - the fight against bad thoughts and it takes place in the mind - and it's perhaps, at least I think from how I experience it, even more painful than physical battles.

There is definitely help and good reason to be hopeful; here's what has gotten me through the toughest of times:

1. Logic. Even the fundamental process of analyzing the cause and effect of what has happended, would happen, will happen if you do something is such a strong, powerful tool to fight the ever-lingering, characteristically human questions about uncertainty, which is the fundamental basis for all bad thoughts.

2. Beauty. Stay in the light of beauty, keep your sights, ears, minds, and hearts open to beautiful things. Don't underestimate the environment you put yourself in. Keeping close to what you think are beautiful things shows us glimpses into the contents of the human heart, how it feels, how it registers influence on our brains and our thoughts. Cosider yourself lucky, blessed even, to be able to hear, see, feel beautiful things and don't take them for granted. In the depths of all gradations of depressions, are the workings of ugly, dark things where you might start to actually think the content of your heart is as those when in reality, your heart is at its core the foundation of all beautiful things.

3. Company. It's true that there is strength in numbers, especially when you are fighting bad thoughts. Being in the company of others who you love and like to be around helps us feel the pervasive pain in all other human beings - unfortunately, we are all hurting in some way, shape, or form and we are all fighting our own battles. Knowing this and being in the company of others helps us grasp the sense of unity we all need to foster and make stronger - we are all experiencing the human condition, and it's better for us to not experience it alone.

4. Faith. Everything happens for a reason: to help us grow into better people. A product of this thought is the difference of someone either becoming bitter after a bad, unpleasant, and unwanted experience, or becoming more understanding despite the bad experience of all our pains and becomming more compassionate. Not accepting and beliving this thought is the small black hole that will swallow up even the largest galaxies and constellations over time .

Don't lose your faith. Don't give up the good fight. Do your best and the rest is out of your control. Let go and live. Trust and have faith.

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher

A response

Trying to make everything beautiful is in itself a work of beauty even if the end result isn't the beauty the artist had wanted it to be - the right person is able to see the artist and not just the work.