End of the Year Blog (Part 3)

So for the last blog of 2015, I'd like to talk about the absurd one more time.

For reference: http://madenoted.blogspot.com/2013/10/oh-absurdity.html

It's been a crazy year for me for a lot of reasons. I say that because of the things I've experienced and the things I've seen other people experience in 2015.  All of which are too crazy to write down. Consider situations which arose out of total uncertainty, which had an extremely small probability of ever happening in the first place, and that seem to have no apparent reason for happening besides for just happening (but of course, everything happens for a reason). And the amazing thing is that everyone has experiences like these. The paradox is sweet: extraordinary, uncanny, almost impossible things happen to everybody. Situations such as these may differ in relative degrees, but, by definition, they're supposed to be unique to each person, or else they wouldn't be what they are -- absurd!


Two events in the Christmastime readings caught my attention this year:

The Annunciation:

(You can read the whole chapter for yourselves, I highlight specific verses)

Luke 1:29: But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be.

Luke 1:34: But Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?”

The Visitation:

Luke 1:43: And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?

The first event is when the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and said to her she will give birth to Jesus, and the second is the Visitation of Elizabeth by Mary.  What's so struck me this year is how Mary wasn't afraid to question how the pregnancy will take place -- after all, she didn't have any relations with a man! She didn't neglect logic and she wasn't rebuked for questioning how it would happen.

This is part of the sheer awesomeness of absurd moments ... they don't make perfect sense. When confronted by our conventional ideas of logic, our logic falls short. But even under these circumstances, Mary, rather than become in disbelief or denial of the situation at hand, accepted it. She said yes! Yes, it's a difficult thing to fathom, but she trusted in God, despite how absurd the situation was. 

I think this particular passage, for me, allows me to give pause and appreciation for the events that happen in my life that just don't make sense. To accept them after questioning them to the best of our ability. In another way, no use crying over spilled milk. Don't stay stuck in the past. All these sayings come to mind, with the common thread that, although absurd, there's a reason, although an undefinable reason (at least in the present), for them to have occurred, and to trust in how things will unravel, to trust God about the situation and to move forward with whatever has happened. 

Elizabeth's exclamation in the Visitation is just the existential icing on the cake. She has an absurd moment too, being pregnant after being thought unable to give birth again, and says something in the form of what Mary said during the Annunciation, and something I find myself saying all the time -- it came out of my lips a lot this year. 

"How can this be.... " - Luke 1:34

"And how does this happen to me..." Luke 1:43

"Oh my goodness, I can't believe this is happening to me" - Me

"WOW, that's really just happened " - Me

"HOW? *LOL* Of course this would happen to me." Me 

To sum things up, even Mama Mary had absurd experiences. But look what happened by her "yes". Look what happened because of her absurd experience. We have Jesus :) 

Once we lose sight and appreciation of how absurd things are, how absurd situations somethings are, how special things occur... we fall into a monotony that life is never supposed to be. Life is an adventure, with plot twists and turns and crazy things happening. 

I'm looking forward to all the crazy things that will happen in 2016! Happy New Year everyone!

End-of-Year Blog (Part 2)

Usually at the end of the year there's some talk about people making New Years resolutions, and even a few more people touting the all-mighty "New Year, new me" mantra.  Then there are usually people who, although mostly unabashed by the idea of New Years resolutions and making a positive change for the New Year, are skeptical (to say the least) about a palpable and significant change from 11:59pm to 12:00am.

What do I think? Why not!

I'm all for the "New Year, new me" slogan. I honestly believe you can change whatever it is you declare you want to change in a span of one day.  Nay sayers would argue you can do that any day. That's true too!  I agree it's an arbitrary declaration. Yet, the advantage of proclaiming it on New Years eve is that it would be, at the very least, a symbolic synchronization. If a year has past, why can't an "old me" pass as well? If I can walk into a confessional a sinlful man, and walk about a few minutes later sinless, why not? (The holy sacrament of reconciliation has a little more nuance to that argument, but take my word for it).

So needless to say, and truth be told, I've been spending a couple of the last days of this year in bad habit mode. Been justifying it as a bad case before New Years, and then afterwards a change. How effective will it be? I don't know yet. But there's a lot to say about the morale of a clean plate (even if its a declaration made on an arbitrary date change).

I feel hopeful for the new year. This last year has been a roller coaster ride (see Part 1) far more than I can enjoy. Hoping for more stable new year, to the extant of which I can control. I can't control what I can't control, I know that now, in deep and meaningful way. And that's not something I'm worried about anymore. It's the things within my control that I hope I can change. My bad habits.  We'll see.

I hope you all had a merry Christmas with family and friends. I love my family. Had a great Christmas with them. And Happy New Year to everyone as well. And to those changing a new leaf once the clock strikes twelve, cheers! I'm there with you.

End of the Year Reflection (Part 1)

2015, wow.

What a year.

I figured it would be good to post an end of the year blog, especially for this year. It'll be a good read a few years later for me. Somehow, I'll always go back to this blog. Perhaps it's the result of always having been a blogger, since starting my first Xanga blog about 10 years ago.  But the thought occurred to me today, as much as my philosophy on blogging and social media has always been to reveal the "honest-self" so as to provide a way for these grossly interconnected times of unprecedented internet connectivity to get to know each other in a practical way, that no matter how slyly covert, or outright bombastic and clear my writing (tweets, blogs, status updates) are, people still don't give a hoot. Or simply just don't care because they aren't interested. That's unfortunate. Or maybe that's just because it's me. Either way then, what's the benefit of all this time writing blogs for me? Well... it's for me, for later, and for now. At the very least, I shouldn't take that for granted.

Took a Romantic poetry class from a Cambridge grad the quarter before I graduated.  Here's a picture of me and my friend Kaila listening to his lecture... on the UC Davis English page.

We only read a little of Robert Burns, but I wish we read and examined this particular stanza just a bit more: 

O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us / To see oursels as others see us! / It wad frae mony a blunder free us, / An' foolish notion: / What airs in dress an' gait wad lea's,/ An' ev'n devotion.- First Stanza, "To a Louse" 

Or, as translated by Sumner A Ingmark

 "Oh, would that God a small gift gi'e us/ To see ourselves as others see us!/ It would from many a blunder free us/ and foolish notion./ Pretentiousness would surely leave us,/ and false devotion."

I first read this and its translation with a surreal epiphany. Simply, what a change a change in perspective can do for us.

I grew up a lot this year. I graduated college. I found a job near UCD and started working full time. Can't say I've done that before. Got a new car. Love driving it, and even more wonderful, I may even like driving again. That's one of the real miracles for this year. Truly thankful to God for that.  I'm finally living a freedom I haven't lived in years (no, not just because of the car... it's a lot deeper than that.... and if you really want to know, dear reader, what it is I mean by this cryptic message, just ask. Like, I've realized that I've never actually told you to ask me something you don't understand of in my writing, and I'm convinced now that, among other things, people don't have either the time or interest to close read. I got to adjust to this, I know. Lol. That's a change in perspective I have to acknowledge, not everyone likes to actually try and figure people out. Or consider what they're going through. Okay, now I'm just complaining).  I'm less debilitated than ever before. I can start living life a lot more normally, and I can think about things that use to scare me a whole lot more than it should of... things like raising a family, having kids, having a career... it's really incredible.

But it's not come without its downsides. With a lot more freedom, I've also been able to do a lot more stupid things this year. (Like what?) Like making bad financial decisions. And that's putting it pretty lightly. In truth, there's probably no end to the amount of rebuke I deserve, so I'll acknowledge that. I can still make a good thing out of a bad thing, if I learn. And that's with all mistakes in life, right?  Oh, but I'm sure you're a prefect reader and have never done anything wrong. Well, let's hope I change then.

The end of 2015 is a part of my leap year between graduate school (and a really busy academic life) and moving forward in life (relationships, personal decisions, etc).  I like the idea very much that this leap year will be a good time for discernment and mistakes and personal growth.  2016 is definitely an adventure I look forward to. I wonder what will happen next year, will I have the same problems as I have now? Or the same problems as last year? Will I look different? (I hope so, I need to get back into shape). Will I finally have a girlfriend and be in a real relationship?  Will I move someplace else? Will I have grown in my faith? Wait, no. I will always grow in faith... I'll sway off the path from time to time, but I'll still be moving forward... As long as I remember to come back to Jesus ... he won't leave me. That reminds me! Merry Early Christmas everyone.

Part two will come before the new year.

Quick update

Hi all. I graduated last summer. I miss it all, but not too much. Happy about it! And proud.. it's been a long road. Summer's done and I'm still unemployed, hoping that'll change soon. Exciting to think I may be somewhere else besides Sac (moved back to parent's house, home sweet home). Besides that, definitely hit more than a couple of rough times this summer, some I'm definitely not too proud about.

But here's to Fall and the rest of 2015 being something better and a step in a new direction.



Give it a listen. I can't help but smile listening to it. Simple verse, endearing imagery.

The Driving Force

I'm at the place where coffee doesn't work
And my body has failed me
My material self is nihil
I see now
and can't see

I'm not fueled by my food anymore
Nourishment is somewhat illusory
My immaterial self is sum
The driving force
I can't see and can see

On priority

I haven't blogged since last year. That must say something about my life. Lol

Hello 2015 :) I think I'm due for a simple reflection post.

I am a simple guy.  I work well when I have my mind set to one particular task.  I also try to multitask lest I become too focused on something and miss out on other things, but this has been more of the exception than the rule in recent days.

I want to do a lot of things, but I can't do everything. I try to do everything. But the driving factor becomes the driving factors.  Instead of swimming in the deep end, I swim throughout the entire pool.   I haven't been going too far in one direction, I've been stretching in all directions... and I'm not that flexible.  Of course I'd like to do more.  And I try.  But I need to focus now.

In recent days, I haven't had a lack of inspiration. On the contrary, I've been inspired to focus on a main goal.  A purpose, even.  Where I could help out a lot of people.  Where I can do God's work.

I have found that a lot of people take offense easily when they are declined of any sort of plan going through. And while this isn't a call to stop such efforts, it's an opportunity to increase in compassion for each other.  Denial can seem bitter, but intentions never prove to be so.  The pitfall is if the actions don't elicit any consideration. You can indeed be considerate without being able to attend.  You can indeed show solidarity in more ways than one.

As far as my current plans, especially this new year, I've simply become more focused.  Not boring. Not recluse. Not lame. Not nerdy.  Not uptight. Not being unable to relax. Not unsociable. Not being unable to chill. Not being unable to lend support.

Just trying to do my best at what I think will be the best for me so that I can help out a lot of people later on.