End of the Year Reflection (Part 1)

2015, wow.

What a year.

I figured it would be good to post an end of the year blog, especially for this year. It'll be a good read a few years later for me. Somehow, I'll always go back to this blog. Perhaps it's the result of always having been a blogger, since starting my first Xanga blog about 10 years ago.  But the thought occurred to me today, as much as my philosophy on blogging and social media has always been to reveal the "honest-self" so as to provide a way for these grossly interconnected times of unprecedented internet connectivity to get to know each other in a practical way, that no matter how slyly covert, or outright bombastic and clear my writing (tweets, blogs, status updates) are, people still don't give a hoot. Or simply just don't care because they aren't interested. That's unfortunate. Or maybe that's just because it's me. Either way then, what's the benefit of all this time writing blogs for me? Well... it's for me, for later, and for now. At the very least, I shouldn't take that for granted.

Took a Romantic poetry class from a Cambridge grad the quarter before I graduated.  Here's a picture of me and my friend Kaila listening to his lecture... on the UC Davis English page.

We only read a little of Robert Burns, but I wish we read and examined this particular stanza just a bit more: 

O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us / To see oursels as others see us! / It wad frae mony a blunder free us, / An' foolish notion: / What airs in dress an' gait wad lea's,/ An' ev'n devotion.- First Stanza, "To a Louse" 

Or, as translated by Sumner A Ingmark

 "Oh, would that God a small gift gi'e us/ To see ourselves as others see us!/ It would from many a blunder free us/ and foolish notion./ Pretentiousness would surely leave us,/ and false devotion."

I first read this and its translation with a surreal epiphany. Simply, what a change a change in perspective can do for us.

I grew up a lot this year. I graduated college. I found a job near UCD and started working full time. Can't say I've done that before. Got a new car. Love driving it, and even more wonderful, I may even like driving again. That's one of the real miracles for this year. Truly thankful to God for that.  I'm finally living a freedom I haven't lived in years (no, not just because of the car... it's a lot deeper than that.... and if you really want to know, dear reader, what it is I mean by this cryptic message, just ask. Like, I've realized that I've never actually told you to ask me something you don't understand of in my writing, and I'm convinced now that, among other things, people don't have either the time or interest to close read. I got to adjust to this, I know. Lol. That's a change in perspective I have to acknowledge, not everyone likes to actually try and figure people out. Or consider what they're going through. Okay, now I'm just complaining).  I'm less debilitated than ever before. I can start living life a lot more normally, and I can think about things that use to scare me a whole lot more than it should of... things like raising a family, having kids, having a career... it's really incredible.

But it's not come without its downsides. With a lot more freedom, I've also been able to do a lot more stupid things this year. (Like what?) Like making bad financial decisions. And that's putting it pretty lightly. In truth, there's probably no end to the amount of rebuke I deserve, so I'll acknowledge that. I can still make a good thing out of a bad thing, if I learn. And that's with all mistakes in life, right?  Oh, but I'm sure you're a prefect reader and have never done anything wrong. Well, let's hope I change then.

The end of 2015 is a part of my leap year between graduate school (and a really busy academic life) and moving forward in life (relationships, personal decisions, etc).  I like the idea very much that this leap year will be a good time for discernment and mistakes and personal growth.  2016 is definitely an adventure I look forward to. I wonder what will happen next year, will I have the same problems as I have now? Or the same problems as last year? Will I look different? (I hope so, I need to get back into shape). Will I finally have a girlfriend and be in a real relationship?  Will I move someplace else? Will I have grown in my faith? Wait, no. I will always grow in faith... I'll sway off the path from time to time, but I'll still be moving forward... As long as I remember to come back to Jesus ... he won't leave me. That reminds me! Merry Early Christmas everyone.

Part two will come before the new year.