Discouragement enough?

“You! hypocrite lecteur!—mon semblable,—mon frère!”-

Line 76, "The Burial of the Dead", of The Waste Land by T.S. Eliot.

When I'm being rebuked and berated
the first thought is you, first
you, first
What nerve

When anger and hatred
is expressed unsedated
not prorated but exponentiated
I'm supposed to hold my tongue?

It's a bad defense
I feel no less guilty and
I'm aware of the consequences
of my own placed burdens

Or perhaps I don't
I don't really know the extent
And this treatment is deserved
Oh shit, I really messed up

And now, the pain compounded
I start a new journey
More or less more lonely
May God have mercy

Prodigal

"It's not the first mistake that kills you. It's usually the second, or the third." - Unknown.

How about the fourth? Or the fifth? Ad infinitum.

I like the Monty Hall problem. It's unique because, well, first it's essentially gambling. Well, actuarily (pun intended) to be more fair, it's risk analysis and probability. The math could speak for itself. And now, in a way I never thought of it before, it's also attractive in a philosophical way.

Three doors, you choose one. You find out which one is truly a mistake, and are given the choice whether to switch your chosen door or not. The real kicker is that all of the doors are actually a Pandora's box. Whatever you open is equally a prize and full of trouble. Kind of like Schrödinger' Cat, except superposition is not ephemeral, and the conclusion is both objective and subjective to whomever chooses a door. So would you really want to change your door? ... Or, in a totally Camus-ish way, should you even play?

This may very well be a bunch of nonsense.

Would the prodigal son be as infamous without the father? Without the father, only the pigs would notice his sad state. And they wouldn't even care.

A poem for the new year

To echo back my new years reflection blogs a few days ago, a lot can happen in one day.

For my first blog of 2016, I decided to publish a rather vulnerable poem I wrote.  Quite frankly, it underlies the hope for change I have for myself for this new year.  It may even hold some of the same sentiments you might have for this new year as well. It's gloomy. But it's intention is to obtain a more sober mindset.

Happy new year everyone.

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"To Walk Away"

it hurts
and yet it’s the right thing to do
to walk away, to stop trying
before it gets even worse

Uncomfortable
being in this situation
wasn’t supposed to be this way
dreams shattered, painful

Tough mistakes
they’re hard to accept
and relief comes very easily
but predictably also the aches

It’s too late
what's done has been done
the scars are open and wide
better to love them than hate

Too Slow
healing takes time
Patience is not yet my friend
… yet its time to grow