Choose or Include?

In the transition from living at home, surrounded by family and close friends, to living away from home where no one really knows you, I've noticed the temptation to completely isolate myself from my past and really start "new".

And it's funny coz the first of the temptation to become done away with my old self is "my faith".  I've already met more than a couple of people who told me they seldom attend Mass now...

I recently heard a talk from Mike Patin saying something along the lines of:
"God doesn't want you to choose between Him and your dreams, your activities, etc... He just wants you to include Him in your dreams, your activities, etc..."

My parents...

I don't know how my parents do it all... my dad works graveyard shift... my mom has to commute about 2 hours one way every day... Thankful for my mom and dad.

I know every one of us carries a tailored-fit cross, but comparing mines to my parents, at times mines seems so much easier, but at the same time I know mines is quite heavy for me too...

My parents go through a lot... it's just inspiring.

Oh God... thank You,

Just finished my first class at UCD and all I can think is how amazing God is and has been to me... taking me places, seeing sights, and meeting people I thought I only could of imagined...

For a long time, it's as if I saw the world from looking up from the bottom of a canyon, slowly progressing upwards seeing every crevice upon reaching higher latitudes, appreciating what little I had, never thinking I'd actually have the strength to see it all from the top... But God reached out and lifted me up, high, higher than I could imagine of seeing from this canyon... unfathomable sights, the beauty of the rise, and how inadequate the feeling of being here, but regardless, still here, now fortified by the idea that He deems me rightful to see this...

Only ever here to do my best and trust in His Plan.

Main Reading Room at the Shields Library

Gunrock the Mustang and I 

Moved Out

Officially a resident of UC Davis... and I'm absolutely loving it.

On Fire Norcal Jam 2013

Went to On Fire Norcal Jam 2013 yesterday and it was weird this year, and not because of the event itself, but unfortunately, due to unruly rain, we had to leave early.

While my time at On Fire Norcal Jam was short this year, I still got to take something from the event: Mr. Jesse Manibusan's “Who is the Church? We are! Where is the Church? Right here! And? Everywhere!”, our resilience, even singing with Ike Ndolo, and Mass in the rain, a generous lunch, and talks, from Righteous B's plea to us to want real love (not imitation love) and Leah Darrow's definition of love as “wanting the best for the greater good of the other”.  As put by Leah: “God loves you. That's awesome (referring to Righteous B's talk)”, and “God loves you. It's okay (referring to her talk)”.   These are the memories that'll I'll keep close to my heart.

While I was in the rain, I noticed myself having an interesting thought, I thought to myself:

I'm sticking it out in the rain for the Lord, I should be seen for this, noticed for this, I should be appreciated for this... 

In hindsight, I realized this was my unconscious desire for immediate praise from others.  I'm starting to think it's hardwired in us, like a positive feedback loop where once we do something appreciable, our friends support us, so we start to expect support from others for every act of goodness we do.  Perhaps we've lost the desire to just do things because they're good to do.

Going to do better to accept and put into philosophy and action that not every little thing I do is "all that" and needs attention.

Infinite Loops

Just came back from an amazing family vacation in Lake Tahoe. So thankful I got to cap the rest of my summer before uni there with them. Lake Tahoe is beautiful as always, and I loved spending time with all my cousins. Drinks, games, and food, lounging on the beach-shore... I can't thank my cousins and aunts and uncles, mom and dad, I can't thank them enough for everything they did to make the trip so dope. Will post pics as soon as those get uploaded.

Very blessed to have had our resort right on the shore... I woke up, walked 20 steps, and the lake was right there. Framed by the mountains, the lake is a beaut, and really got time to think. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think this blog is long-over due for me, because I'm pretty much a self-certified expert at personal infinite loops (cue the TBBT clip with Sheldon Cooper and his infinite friend loop).  

I'm not hating against routines, especially good routines, and we all have them, but it takes a great deal of personal investment and humility to really take a step back and have a good look at the negative routines in your life.  And there are probably many good ways to deal with them, so I'll leave that to your discretion. 

But there comes a point, that lowly, rock-bottom moment, when you've dwelt in a negative routine for a long time that you begin to say to yourself "I'm done feeling/living/acting this way" and have say to yourself "I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, whatever that is" despite all the uncertainty, worry, and anxiety attempting to do so brings you. In a sense it's kind of like a balancing act where on one side is your negative routines and all that habit affords you, and on the other side the possibility of all the good the attempt to break those habits may bring you.

I usually don't brush over details, but I understand this very general call-to-action of an extremely personal moment in anyone's life doesn't do much to help anyone who is actually in the process of getting over a negative infinite loop as far as specifics go, but that's where it all starts fundamentally: it's worth it to repeat over and over again -- I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, whatever that is.  And I think a lot of people need that reminder, including me.