Went to On Fire Norcal Jam 2013 yesterday and it was weird this year, and not because of the event itself, but unfortunately, due to unruly rain, we had to leave early.
While my time at On Fire Norcal Jam was short this year, I still got to take something from the event: Mr. Jesse Manibusan's “Who is the Church? We are! Where is the Church? Right here! And? Everywhere!”, our resilience, even singing with Ike Ndolo, and Mass in the rain, a generous lunch, and talks, from Righteous B's plea to us to want real love (not imitation love) and Leah Darrow's definition of love as “wanting the best for the greater good of the other”. As put by Leah: “God loves you. That's awesome (referring to Righteous B's talk)”, and “God loves you. It's okay (referring to her talk)”. These are the memories that'll I'll keep close to my heart.
While I was in the rain, I noticed myself having an interesting thought, I thought to myself:
I'm sticking it out in the rain for the Lord, I should be seen for this, noticed for this, I should be appreciated for this...
In hindsight, I realized this was my unconscious desire for immediate praise from others. I'm starting to think it's hardwired in us, like a positive feedback loop where once we do something appreciable, our friends support us, so we start to expect support from others for every act of goodness we do. Perhaps we've lost the desire to just do things because they're good to do.
Going to do better to accept and put into philosophy and action that not every little thing I do is "all that" and needs attention.
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