I can

I love this poem:

Pessimist, Optimist, Realist

A pessimist is he
Who shuts his eyes
To the rising sun.

An optimist is he
Who looks up and sees
Through the teeming clouds.

A realist is he
Who faces the clouds
And adores the sun.

—Sri Chinmoy

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I have so much to do. I really do, and it's getting to feel very burdensome. Sometimes I feel like it's all too much to handle, and to be honest, honestly I've felt like giving up plenty of times, but then during Holy Adoration Hour at the Blessed Sacrament, I've become renewed. Thanks God.

God never gives you too much that you cannot handle. He only blesses you with what you can handle. And although I've been blessed with a lot to do, and it feels different to me, this is all just an encouragement to continue to do my best, because He believes in me that I can accomplish. He wouldn't bless me with so much to do if I couldn't.

I'm on my hustle.

Really, I'm on it.

Can't forget it.

I woke up early today to do homework because I was too tired to do it last night. After about an hour of it, I decided to take a break and get a Hot Mocha Cappuccino...mmmm. There's a donut shop close to where I live and I love going there to buy something to eat (Yeah, I eat on my breaks...too bad I take a lot of breaks). The Donut Shop opens and closes early, about 4:30 AM to 2PM everyday, so the only time I really get to go there is before school.

As I got my Hot Mocha Cappuccino, I bought it size large, I began to remember something about the shop, kind of like Dejavu. I remember going to the same donut shop about a while back ago, probably like 3 years ago during one morning for summer. I remember that summer, I was very motivated to wake up early and exercise...see how well that turned out ; ). Haha. So I remember going there to buy the drink I love the most there, a fairly cheap drink, and you probably guessed it, a Hot Mocha Cappuccino.

Here's why I didn't just forget that morning, what made that morning I'll always remember. That morning buying my drink, I remember having money, but not enough money. I was short like 50 or 75 cents. I had thought I had enough for the money, but I remember that I didn't, and the counter lady already made my perfect drink. I didn't have my license yet, so I couldn't just go to my car and get extra change. I was a little embarrassed to not have enough money, because she already made my drink and all...

Then there was one lady behind me, saw my situation, and told the lady at the counter "I'll pay the rest of his amount". And then I looked back and said...well first I was shocked, then happy, then embarrassed a little, and said, "Are you sure? I'm sorry to have kept the line" - "No, it's okay! Don't worry about it *Smile*". She interrupted my apology.

I smiled and said "Thank you so much! I promise I'll pay you back! Thank you!".

I came back the next day, around the same time, and the day after, hoping to catch that same lady so I can pay her back for her kindness. She paid for a total stranger. I never saw her again.

I'll never forget it. It definitely made my morning, I remember. : )

Wherever she is now, I don't know, but she taught me a lesson. Free kindness makes an impact on people. God Bless her. Who said chivalry is dead?

Worth it? or Na.

That's the question I've been thinking a lot about these past days. It's all a gamble - a sequence of choices, trade-offs, and opportunity costs. I've been put through some interesting situations the past week. There are some things I wish I could have done better if I was put in the situation again, but Life says I can't redo moments in time. But one thing's for sure, it takes a lot out of me, and I've been exhausted.

It's tricky, though, you know the thought of investment into something that you're not quite sure about. So much to think about before you act.

Why is it that no one says "Feel before you act"? If you do what feels right, then that should be the best calling to answer. But it's a good thing we don't react to situations like that. Our heads were put above our hearts (and those two were put above our reproductive organs) for a reason.

But I have to be honest, when you let something pass by, it sucks watching it pass you by. Even though you know it's for the better that you let it pass by, you know in your heart that it could have been you taking that opportunity. You know in your heart that you're different from the others, that you're unique, that you can do it better, that you're what is needed, and that you fit the criteria perfectly, like it was meant to be.

I hope it's worth it, but let me tell you, I feel it. I wonder if you do too.

Unwavering

2009 brought a lot of new things to my life, even though the year is young. I know how it feels like to go to class for 4 periods, and I swear it feels like my day is a lot longer. I always had that break class during third period, but I just have to get used to it. I'm bombarded with homework consistently every night, I always thought my senior year was going to be easier than this, but I got to do it. I'll finish strong, end high school with a little more pride than if I had just slacked off.

Something pretty new, and I don't want to jinx it, is my sleeping pattern! Random, but so far throughout the year I haven't excessively overslept. Many times I wake up without an alarm clock, and it feels great. It's like I have an internal alarm clock, and I'm thankful I can wake up. I wonder how life would be different if I didn't need to sleep, I think I would get so much more done! But then, if I never needed to sleep, then I could never go to bed at the end of the night, head on my pillow and say "Today was a good day, I did a lot for me and others. Thank God".

I still love to drive, I don't know how some people get tired of it. Maybe I'm just too young still to get tired of it. At the end of a long, and sometimes stressful day, I like to drive in silence. It's really therapeutic. We are all too consumed by the noise of the day, and I really get annoyed by too much noise.

I read this in a book somewhere...
"It's okay to lend a helping hand, but the challenge is asking them to let go".

When I am really helpful, I give a lot of effort into the hand I'm lending. Some people take too much of it, they get used to me always helping them out, and never let go. They grab on to all the charity, but never understood that with charity comes a learning experience, a gratis to encourage them to pay the deed forward, and humility. I'm getting tired of giving out fish. I want to make people fishermen - the footsteps of the Lord.

New

I watched American Idol the other day, and I feel Casey Carlson for the win! She's pretty beautiful, kind of like Cassie. Best wishes to her, and I'll be voting.

Four years into Universal Rhythm, and now I'm finally out of it. It's weird. I have first lunch from now on, and I'll be able to wear the same thing from first to fourth period. I'm still with company, but I'll be out of the dance room.

Life goes on, always changing. In fact, the only constant thing is change. I just watched George Bush's farewell speech. He makes true points, and I feel like he doesn't deserve all of the hate on him. I loved it how in his speech he talked a lot about protecting the vulnerable and defenseless. He's been president for the past eight years, and now change has come. I just pray this change is the change we need. America is a beautiful country.

*4tune - Just Let it Go

One last something. I'm graduating this year and I'll need to leave a lot of things behind. I'm hoping for acceptance letters. I'm hoping for a new life. It's not like I want leave the one I have now, but I'm just glimpsing the surface. There's a whole world out there. Who's to say I'm not ready for it. And besides, how will I ever know that I'm not even ready for it all if I don't at least try it all out.

A lot of people live for the now. They accumulate all their efforts for just having it good now, okay in a few hours, but leave the future for sightless. I don't chew more than I can swallow. In fact, I really like living day by day. The future is so unstable, always changing. But I hope for a bright one. I ready myself for the future, and I plan my actions now....so to say I wrap the present so it's presentable later on.

I like being alone. Before I didn't use to like it, but now I really do. You figure yourself out alone. Look at things a different way. Appreciate more of what you have. Breathe. I think a lot of us are afraid of being alone. It's not in our nature. But I think it's what a lot of us need.

Anyways, I know I'm never truly alone. God's always there. That's what makes alone time really special to me.

Keep It Moving

Hard, sometimes things get hard (That's what she said). Hard to think, to move, to relax, to chill, to do work, to sleep, to get peace of mind. So much as been happening lately, Universal Rhythm is going into Mainstage Mode, Work is tedious, School is just about to get exteremely challenging, I have a lot of plans for Church, Mutual Complex is getting laid out for the future... sigh. I like to take breaks a lot haha. I like to lay down and breathe things out, take things slow, and enjoy it. Then get it down and done.

Recital just happened this Thursday, I loved it. Universal Rhythm held it down on stage, my Jazz I did their best and went for the gold, and I can't get enough it. I'll never be just an audience member, I'll never just overlook a performance and not try and appreciate all the time performers put in work for their sets. I'm happy to see people smiling on stage and having fun. That PAC, I'll never forget it. So many performances on that stage, and the feeling of being out on that stage is indescribable. Yay! Choreo cookies for me too, two sets of mine in the show. I'm a proud choreographer.

Can't think of anything else to blog right now, except to say I love my new netbook. So easy to tote around, accessible like heck. I'm on it right now, and if there was a more useful investment I put my work savings for, is that laptop. Later!

"A single skip for joy"

I recently watched a movie called "Dedication", mainly because of Mandy Moore, and at the end of the movie a character stated that "Life is a single skip for joy".

I've read plenty of interpretations of the quote, all of which were good, but as profound as they were, I was still a little confused. And I don't like being confused for some reason. It seems like I would like to rather be right or wrong in a situation than confused. But I don't think that I'm alone in feeling this way, this urge to make sense out of my own confusion, because there is nothing more motivating than finding an answer.

Life is crazy, and because we live in a very diverse world, each one of us experiences life very differently. Yet even though none of us lived life exactly like how another person lived their life, I'm told plenty of times that whatever I do in life someone probably has already done or started. Ironically, many of times people can find common experiences, and for special few, someone who "understands".

Regardless, "Life is a single skip for joy". In such a short quote, there are many points. The word "single" could be a pun. I love puns, the ambiguity stirs multiple perspectives and double, triple...meanings. On this earth, we all only get one single life to live. Used as an adjective and in context, "single skip" could mean that we only have one skip, for joy. One skip...One opportunity.

Maybe the quote is saying that in life, we only get one opportunity to pursue joy. I'm putting my hands down, usually second opportunities are hard to come by. Not all of us get second chances...not all of us get re-dos. Why are we in skip, or "skipping" though? For joy - I used "in skip" better to describe our action because I could say that really, we are all, in context of the quote, skipping, but skipping could mean more than one skip, but you know, how often do we get more than one skip...

Since we know where we are in skip to joy, what exactly are we skipping from? The ground. A place I know firmly by being rock bottom, being down-and-out. What are we down on, the ground of course, the bottom that holds us up. And Up is where my joy is, so thank God I am in skip. Wait, why are we skipping anyways? Such a powerful verb...effective I believe in the quote. Skipping is usually faster than jumping, more of, jumping at a brisk pace. I think this fits perfectly in context. Opportunities come at us in single fashions, and we better jump on that single skip fast...we better skip to those opportunities before it's to late.

Another point, the use of the verb skip gives me the connotation that in life anything is possible, conquerable. If it had used other verbs..jump or leap or jettison..they give me the feeling that the obstacle is huge and amounts to excessive needs of force to jump over the obstacle. Although more brisk than jumping, skipping may not be as physically demanding as a huge jump or leap, therefore in skip we conquer life and all the obstacles life brings because in life anything is possible and conquerable. Especially when we are in skip to joy.

Joy. A noun, it is a state of being, a place. I'm tired of people looking for happiness, always in the pursuit of happiness, because I am happy many times, but it would be a lie to say I have been in joy for even just once. I hope I'm using the semantics correctly. Because joy is a constant place of being...like Heaven is a constant place. I learned the difference one time driving. I always seems to pass by plenty of times to work a billboard that displays random messages of hope to the community. The billboard is run by the community church, and the insights I receive are priceless in fuel to a growing wisdom.

"Life is a single skip for joy". Sometimes, when we miss the little things, short things, simple things, we don't get to really understand that they mean so much, and are so beautiful.