"Monsters" - Mree

Saw Mree open up for Gabrielle Aplin in May.  Her music is absolutely lovely.

On chronic suffering...

Suffering is difficult.  Chronic suffering is an exceptionally exquisite type of suffering because it never really leaves.  Its severity at a particular time may be variable, but it's, by definition, never going to be out of your life; in other words, your life will never be the same.

That itself is part of the difficulty with chronic suffering.  When one first undergoes it, it's hard to accept the fact that life can never be the same as it was "before my .... ".  One of the beautiful things about accepting chronic suffering (not to be confused with despondency, which may occur from time to time), is being able to remember the "before"-times with a smile and, upon reflection, acknowledge the meaningful impact of the event on the richness of your life. 

The trick to chronic suffering is not to encumber your mind with the fact that it will never leave as this is a great impediment to the quality of your future with it.  When it comes, as it will, and at usually very inconvenient times, a part of the way to deal with it is being honest with the way you will face it at the time, and another part of dealing with it calls for the courage to do the best you know how to to face it -- all of this layered on top of the realization that my life in some respects will never be up to the standards it was once before becoming afflicted with chronic suffering.  There's an acknowledgement that this episode will come to pass and as a long as there is an honest effort, your best effort, given at the time of any episode then what more could you possibly do? 

Sometimes you will be disappointed with your best effort and give into the temptation to say "if only I didn't have... then it would be perfect", but this again is why chronic suffering is exceptionally insidious.  Call to mind again that any attempt to wish for your life without your chronic suffering beyond reflection after having accepted it only diminishes your chances of effectively living with it. 

A sign of living effectively with chronic suffering is being able to testify to the following statement: I will do the best I can to face it when it comes, live my life the best I can accordingly, and be gentle with myself because what more could I possibly do? 

A song from TFIOS, beautifully covered

Considerations

Temptation is a force like the wind on your hands 

hands when stuck out of the window of your car 

the faster you go, the stronger the wind is, squared

but if you stop the car, you'll never get there

Achilles was invincibile, but he had that heel of his.  That heel eventually doomed him.  For someone who had the guarentee of safety everywhere else, that heel, that heel, that heel.

Modern living is currently conflated in the story of Achilles' heel.  For the difficult reality is that one small part of someone's life can destroy someone's life.  There's an unknown saying that the natural course of life in modern times is built on, or should conform to, a structure succinctly put in words as "live while you're young".  But the story of Achille's heel aptly applies here for weakness is not as innate as its assumed it to be -- it can be born from actions, or at least, inaction.

Achille's heel applies because it can be applied to oneself.

The good news is that unlike in the classic Greek tale, the Achille's heel of modernity can be healed.  The bad news is that may not know we have one until we feel its effects. And so the emphasis we put on feeling in modernity is both a downfall and a blessing.  Thankfully, we can also rely on reason.

Finals Week Spring 2014

Today marks the last day of instruction for my first year at university. Finals week has technically, officially started.

11:59pm. That's how close I was to turning in one of my final papers. It wasn't supposed to be that close to the deadline (midnight).  I planned for at least 10 minutes before it to send it... but then my file wouldn't work! AHH. Thankfully, I saved a back-up version of it... oh sweetness and then just barely made the deadline.  But let me tell you, within that 10 minute window... ultimate panic.

Praying for everyone going through finals!