I spend a lot of time...

I spend a lot of time thinking about other people's perceptions of me and, second to that, their feelings before mine.  And I'm happy to say that I got that right, but where I went wrong is not enough consideration about my perception of me and my own feelings.

I'm truly amazed at some other people who are a lot more selfless than I am, and to the other extent, I'm baffled at how some other people are so malevolently selfish.

What is charity with the idea of recompense? Perhaps for someone who is just for the first time trying to be charitable the reciprocation makes sense.  But what more for those special, holy few who are extremely selfless? If I have learned anything in my own experience in this virtue, there comes a point when no one can really "repay" you back with what you want. No, those special, holy few must do it for something else...

For me, I must be doing something wrong... if not in my actions, it's in my interpretation of those actions, or even deeper yet, my reasons for those actions. It's this grey area I need much more reflection on and experience on, in thought and in prayer.