Accepting and Changing

Growing up sure has its pains; the past couple of weeks have been full of them.  The weird part is that most of what upsets me really are just minor details.  I get stuck on them and they take up some time that would have better been spent enjoying and living and loving and being thankful.

I admit that there really are a lot of things that I wished were different... about me, about my situation, about my environment.  I really can't change a lot of these things (the ones literally out of my control).  I've been obliged to accept a couple of things as they are, as they've become... and some other things I understand are just at the wrong time and place for me to meddle in for now.  One day, I hope I can be strong enough to change those other things too... but not right now. 

I guess if there's any real change is that I'm trying to stay more positive. And if there was ever a time to just be myself, it would be now - no matter how wrong I may seem to be or very well may be. And I'm flawed, I've made mistakes, and I'm not perfect at all ... and I've decided to not dwell so much on who I am not.  Unfortunately, perhaps one of the hardest parts for myself is accepting that I'm actually not who I thought I wanted to be as well, at least not right now at this moment. Maybe I'm just very well in that process. Anyways, going out into a world that may very well not accept me for who I am and the things I stand for is kind of scary and I'm pretty sure it's going to be full of headache and heartbreak, but at least I can say I did me. All this time, at least I can say I did me. And even with all my failings and inconsistencies, here I still am... that may very well be the best and happiest thing going on in my life right now - here I still am. 

:) I'll toast to that! Pinot Noir, burger, and fries.