A clean, well lit place indeed

Hemingway is a powerful author.

That probably goes without saying given his name. He has one of those names that people instantly connect to genius (like Einstein? Michelangelo? ... Trump? wait... definitely not the last one haha).   Ever had a Hemingway cigar a lá Fuente? Ah I remember my first Short Story...  I smoked it in my backyard, but I had just turned 18 and was still hiding my smoking from my parents. My backyard connected to my room's window so I crawled out my window just to smoke it. What a great cigar. And what a childish way to have smoked it haha.

Anyways, back to Hemingway. There's one story of his I always go back to.

A Clean, Well Lighted Place 
(and Hills Like White Elephants come to think of it but not...right now).

I go to cafes all the time. I resonate with that place. A clean, well lit place. Sometimes I just go to go and feel like I'm a part of something -- I'm a part of life. I like to see people talking to each other, and smiling at each other. Going about their lives and I get to take a peak. I see emotions on people's faces. Some I wish I could change. Frankly, sometimes I go to forget my life. Either way, when I'm there things get better. Maybe it's just the caffeine but things do get better. Even just for a little while.

I wish there was a cure to loneliness. I wish there was genie who could grant wishes when you're feeling trapped and feeling like there's no way out of your situation. I wish I could have more strength to deal with and overcome all of my shitty weaknesses and pesky quirks. Everyone has these moments. I'm almost sure of that.

And why yes, a clean, well-lighted place helps. In a modest, small way. But it helps.

A lesson

You settle. Oh do you settle.
But before then, you suffer.

Reminder

The real magic in things like coffee and cigars and macarons and paintings is taking elementary things, likes fruits and leaves and eggs and paint, and making them into something extraordinary.

This applies also to more intangible things like sounds (to music) and feelings (to love).

Then all I have to do is take my experiences, all the good and happy and bad and sad and hopeless times, and make them into something extraordinary. I have to do better.

Back to Kierkegaard

In college I read Lowrie's biography of Soren Kirekegaard (SK).  I learned a lot of things about SK from that book, but the most memorable thing about it to me was a lot of effort elucidating his personality. One particularly vivid thing about him was his penchant for walks around his city of Copenhagen talking with ordinary people. I imagine him taking walks, thinking. Of course, this isn't particularly mind-blowing ... I'm told Kant was very fond of walks, too (at the exact same time and place everyday...). But what made SK's walks different is that those walks probably were more like our kind of walks than Kants. You know, being that SK probably went on walks wondering "What's the purpose of this all? Why am I struggling so hard with [insert self-improvement goal]? Is this all there is (i.e. my career, my relationships, my seemingly insurmountable problems?"

And he came up with an answer. Part of it is letting go of the vice-like hold on reason. Part of it is accepting God. Part of it is realizing... it just is that way, and that's... okay.

26!

Birthday post. YES.

I'm pretty happy right now. Last night I blew cake with my family at midnight. Greeted by family and friends overseas. Woke up to sweet Facebook bday wishes. I make it a point to reply to every single one. It's like the best thing. There's not many reasons to talk to old friends but at least when they hit me up I can ask/tell them a thing or two. And I get to reminisce on memories with that person.  I love that. Seriously.

Tomorrow I get to hangout with my best friend traveling all the way from Socal. I'm the luckiest.

God, what a kinda shitty 25th I had though. If I could only begin to say...

But it's all water under the bridge though. There were times when I didn't even know how I'd get through the day, sometimes the week... a month once! But there were some good times of course. Visited Italy and France last Winter for my mom's bday and I had a blast. I can even say it was my second time there, for both countries... Don't even deserve to be able to say that. But merci God! Grazie God! I'll visit again someday.  And I still have a great job. That's the real blessing right there. Very thankful for that every single day of my 25th. Man, I really hope I can do some good in academia.

There's not much structure to this post. I'll even update it later. I'm just spewing birthday happiness onto my blog. It's like the ultimate hair-cut, you feel great for that one day. I admit this blog has been monotonously sad the past few blogs... well it's true my 25th was a tough year.

26's looking good so far :)