Ideal

Is anything ever ideal?

No. Of course not! I don't think I can recount any experience I've had that was ever ideal. Unfortunately, and sadly, I think I have the talent of finding a flaw in every experience. Sure I remember moments of pure happiness; however, I don't think those situations were in any way ideal.

I always get my blood pressure checked at least once a month. I actually have a consistent monthly account of my BP readings for the past year and half. There were some months where I was considered pre-hypertension, but I usually plummeted back down to a normal reading the month after. What's more interesting is that the same nurse usually takes my BP reading, and she would always ask the question "How are you today? I'm about to take your BP so try and release every stressing thought you have"....

Last month I had the same BP check-up, and she asked me the same question again, as she always has asked me for the past year and a half, and it never occurred to me until now that I always had something going on at the time to excuse whatever BP reading I got. And then it struck me..

"Is anything ever really ideal?" No!

The realization was incredibly simple and powerful. I always had an excuse to a bad (or good) BP reading regardless of the outcome of the test. Granted, the excuse was probably substantial, but the point is that I don't think there was ever a time when I said, "Okay, today's reading will be great! Everything is okay".

In fact, everything is not okay. Unfortunately, the moment I'm writing this blog right now I'm having problems. Rank them however you want in severity - it does not matter. Let's disregard the possibility that "I make things a problem that aren't really a problem" - perhaps maybe I do do so - and consider that my problems are really problems. Is it even realistic to hope that one day I will actually have "no problems"?

The life I've lived has taught me that, sadly, I don't think I'll ever be problem-free, and I'm forced to believe so. I don't believe this makes me a pessimist; it is just an axiom of life. After first-hand realizing that my naive idealist perspective that someday "everything will be okay" and "I'll have no more problems" is invalid, it would seem that I would have no gain from the revelation, but thankfully I have attained a humble bit of solace in the experience that I would like to share.

I think the lesson I need to apply to my life is a bit of Yoda-wordplay:

"Is everything okay? No, but I am okay with everything"

I think that's why, thankfully, life has been good to me with some of the most memorable and happiest experiences one could ever had lived through. That's why I can say I've known happiness. And therein lies the answer to the pursuit of it - being okay with everything.

"In the acceptance of whatever happens, lies perfect joy". - Mother Angelica.

Sincerely,
Aaron