If I had my way..I

So, this blog is on a downer-note. Just to warn you in advance.

Sometimes, like now, I wish I had what I wanted. That's pretty lazy of me, I know, to just wish it all come true, not putting in work to get what I want. But, with that aside (the means of getting what I want) I just long for it all if everything was my way. Yeah, I'm just the most selfish guy aren't I? Haha.

I figured out where it's rooted. It's not really from jealousy, so I'm happy about that. It's more coming from the old adage that "we get what we deserve". That's my human insight, at least. But life has shown and taught me to modify the verse, b/c I've pretty much also accepted that "we get what we deserve, and we get what we don't deserve too".

"So close, but yet so far..."

Felt like that sometimes? I feeeeel you.

Wack though, what's up with all this useless writing right? I dunno. I'll get mines, and what's meant to be. But still...if I had my way.

I think Taeko would be a cool chick to be around *random.

-----------------
Back to the books.

sleeep

I miss sleep. Sleep is sooooo goood. I love when I sleep. I really miss my sleep...

My bed is so soft, and my pillows are awesome. I love it when I'm just lying in bed, and then I fall asleep.

But the worst feeling is when I'm lying in bed, but I don't sleep. And have to do homework or something but not sleep. I wish I was sleeping right now. Lying in bed is a tease for me.

I used to think just lying in bed is like resting per say, because you're not moving any body, kind of like an electric vehicle that goes downhill and restores energy while it's moving, where the car is not turned off but is still recharging. Kind of like me, or so well I thought, when I would just lie there, but it's not true.

I just lie there hoping to sleep, but the more I lie the more sleep I don't get.

I love sleep.

Away for a day.

I had the very best Saturday. Away from all anxieties, stress, and what not. I held off on a lot of things, but it was worth a day off. I definitely needed a time to breathe, it got me bad - last week. Whew so much to do, but let me give you a peak at the beauty I saw recently.
I went on a retreat Saturday, it was planned by the Diocese of Sacramento. It took place on top of a hill in Auburn. The weather was perfect, sunny with a breeze. It was very peaceful and silent. I'm a sucker for silence. I think there such a thing as too much noise, especially for me, constantly listening to music and lectures and whatever else, so I value my alone silent time. Thanks God, most definitely what I needed, You.

Before time takes its course

I'll take a picture. Just a reminder. Postmark this.

Hi. I'm young, clever, slick, intelligent. More than what meets your pupils, son. Hahaha.

No artificial in me. Pure organic. Sincerely yours.

I'm not what I'm not. I am who I am.

Currently 17 years old. I have my driver's license and a part time job. I'm the leader of my youth group, in two dance company's, and my school's academy. A faithful son, dedicated student, carefree dancer, hardworking worker, loving brother, trustworthy friend, and a child of God.

I keep a schedule right now. I can't remember everything. I'm a nice guy.

I like to treat others the way I want to be treated. I'm not afraid to fall. I challenge myself constantly, and I encourage myself.

Cassie, if your reading, I'm all yours still < 3

And to everyone else, just think of this blog this way. As far as I'm concerned, I'll never get this moment back. So I'm taking it, and owning it. I have my name written all over it, and I wont' forget it either. I suggest all you all do the same.

Unexpected.

Have you ever woken up one day (well we wake up every day), and said to yourself "I'm gonna do this, and this, and this, and that, then that, and then I'm done for the day".

......

Then you lived your day, and then went to sleep that same day and said to yourself on your pillow before you dead out, "Wow, I never expected that to happen today. Thank you God"

________________________

You don't plan your days. God does. Your on His time, homie. Not yours. Thank God for all His blessings in life - especially the blessings in disguise.

My day was definitely filled with blessings, and I'm thankful. I went to Church for a long time today. We had our first St. Maria Goretti Youth Group Meeting. And I had a really grown a great connection with two new people in my life who are really a blessing. Their names are Mary and Carmelyn. Thank you guys, means a lot to have shared life with the both of you : )

Today just reminded me that you can't close your heart to the blessings of the Lord. I'm pretty much renewed. And, the week just began : )