Making Peace

Hello blogspot and everyone,

It's about that time for change. 2012, I mean. :)

It's been one hell of a year for me. So, so much happened, but I know there's something I must do before it's officially the new year.

And that's make peace with myself...

I don't want to go into this New Year the same person as before anymore, I want to go at it changed. Changed from the horrible self I was before. I always know what I have to do be a better person, but it's hard for me to do it. Now, more than ever, is that chance to do it.

So to all of you still living in the past, live now. These moments are yours. Trust in God, and He'll pull through for you. Let go of all your vice-like grips on life; just do your best and live now.

Best,

Aaron.

Things will get better

Hi blogspot. :)

Just wanted to let you know I will return writing blogs to you after finals. I have so much to tell you.

Reading back on you the past couple of years makes me so happy to know that at one point in my life I didn't have to deal with all the stuff I'm dealing with now.

Can't wait to let you know, I'm doing okay ... it's really hard right now, I'm more than exhausted but I'm trying very hard to make things work. It's tough times but right now, I'm okay, and I just have to hold on.

Till later, blogspot. Miss ya face.

-Aaron

Everything Matters

When it comes to matters of the heart, everything matters. Every done and undone action, every said and unsaid word, every memory, every small minute of time spent and not spent - everything. Every pain, every struggle, every tear, every frown, every hurt, every failure - everything. Every smile, every laugh, every tear, every touch, every hug, every accomplishment - everything. When it comes to matters of the heart, everything matters.

Faith

Everything happens for a reason. You hear it everyday, but do you believe it? For me, everything I've been through the past couple of years has led me to say that, yes, it must be so, it must be true.

I wonder sometimes what makes people work, because some people really do work. I'm sure a lot of things come into play, like a goal and dream to look forward to and work towards, support of the family and friends...etc.

But how can some people take risks so surely? With conviction? I don't think people do so illogically, but no matter what, there is always a sense of uncertainty. They must have faith; this is undeniable.

Then how can someone have faith? A lot of things come into play, but one thing is for sure about faith; a person has faith because he or she had an experience before that made them realize that everything will be okay and feels right; let's call this experience "happiness".

Happiness, in this case, is an event someone experiences that makes them feel like this is what I was meant to do, this is what I'm meant to feel. For some people, happiness could be playing music, or acting, or playing basketball, or doing math problems, or hiking, or helping people, or this is the person that makes me feel like I'm alive, this is the person I'd die for.

Without experiencing happiness, a person cannot have faith, without faith, a person cannot proceed in any risk. And without risk, there isn't change... And without change, there isn't growth, and without growth... a person really isn't living.

Then the fundamental question is: what makes you happy? Well, ironically, that's one of the only risks worth pursing wherein there is no uncertainty. Everyone is meant to have a "happiness experience". And when you've experienced happiness, then you'll have faith, and then you'll take risks...

I've found my happiness.

PS: If you think that not all people experience a happiness experience, then well, that is nonsense. Why? Because logic says so. You have your talents, you have your uniqueness. Use them. What if you don't use them? Well, then you don't have faith or reason. And I'll sum up 3000 years of philosophy for you - you must at least use your ability to reason logically, it is, essentially, the crux and namesake of our humanity, and if you don't want to use it, well... let's just say you were a smarter person as a baby, because even babies understand conceptually the laws of physics between birth and 2 years old.

PSS: There really isn't anyone who does not think; in fact, people who say they don 't think, just think wrong.

"Saying Bye to a Stranger"

All I know left is
The direction she went in
That's it, That way
But, away

-Aaron Simmons

oh hey, this blog works!

Hi all!

So, I literally made an entirely new blog because I thought this blog was deleted! So to not break continuity, check www.auhaaron.blogspot.com

I won 't delete that last one, but I'll continue to this original one. :) This was a pleasant surprise, indeed.

The past week has been very interesting. I was in a hit-and-run accident last friday, and I have to admit when it happened I was really shook up. Me and my sister were in it, and we're okay, thankfully it wasn't anything extremely serious. But it was definitely an eye-opener in many ways. for me. It seems like everyday that goes by I reflect about it, I realize yet another great lesson learned about it, especially when others give their input about it, too.

But essentially,... God is so good. He really was watching out and protecting us. I'm so thankful. It really reminded me how I really need to live moment-to-moment more, and how I can only do my best, and everything else is out of my control.

Yours,

Aaron

I'll Blog Myself To Sleep

It's 4:29 in the morning and I can't go to sleep! lol I guess my body's tired of sleeping, the past two nights I've been getting 11+ hours of sleep a night. But I didn't expect to stay up this late... I'll set the scene for you all, I'm writing this blog in the dark.

So while I was trying to go to sleep I was thinking. And I realized something about me.

I really like this one girl. So I guess I have a summer crush lol. The reality of me actually having a relationship with her is literally very small, but still...

Her smile is enough to make me incredibly happy. Her voice is enough to make me want to listen forever. Her texts and tweets are the most important thing I wait for. Her attitude energizes me. Her love for life calms me. And really...

All I want to do is be with her. All I want to do is be around her. All I want to do is know what she's doing. All I want to do is be someone her life. All I want to do is be the one in her life. All I want to do is know the struggles she's going through. All I want to do is know her past and be in her present and future. All I want to do is hold her hand. All I want to do is hug her. All I want to do is make myself better so that I can be what she wants. All I want to do is call her and text her back. All I want to do is spend my entire days with her. All I want to do is eat with her. All I want to do is buy her clothes (the ones she likes of course). All I want to do is be alone with her. All I want to do is take walks with her. All I want to do is tell her all my fears, because if the thought of her takes them away, I wonder what being with her can do. All I want to do is pray with her. All I want to do is lay with her. All I want to do is listen to her heartbeat. All I want to do is sleep on her stomach. All I want to do is have her head resting in the nook between my neck and shoulder. All I want to do is be where she is. All I want to do is be someone she knows inside and out. All I want to do is know her inside and out. All I want to do is be with her and her family during holidays. All I want to do is take long drives with her, alternating driving, along beaches and other beautiful landscapes. All I want to do is not sound crazy if she ever saw this, lol. All I want to do is to tell her how crazy I am about her, without her thinking I'm actually crazy, or psycho, or sick. All I want her to do is let me have a chance with her...

Ahhhh... feels good to say that. Okay goodnight! :)

The Love We Should Have For Each Other

I don't want to write this to hurt feelings, but, in any case, my goal is to tell you how I think we should care for each other, how to grasp a bit of compassion for one another.

For the most part, we've been trapped to believe that we're the most important things on earth - me included. And sometimes, we even do things that we may think are selfless, but in reality we only do to make ourselves feel better.

I get it, we all want to be happy, but at the expense at diminishing other people's happiness? I don't understand how that can be fruitful in any sense. And, I want to be clear about this, although there are some philosophical beliefs that differ each one of us (and by all means, we should stand by our beliefs), there is still, regardless of our differences, a uniting truth that gives us reason to consider and have compassion for each others situations independent of our own struggles - we are all subject to the human experience.

It is really hard to look past ourselves, I can't lie. And the worst part is, trying to do so when everyone else just doesn't care to try.

For the record, there is a theoretically right and wrong way to everything, but because we are human - what's more important is that we focus on being ideally compassionate -not perfect. And also, for the record, compassion is the ability by effort to be able to feel other people's struggles and consider them as your own and to consider their previous, prior, and in the future actions in light of their situations, independent of your own actual problems.

Sometimes, being a good friend requires you to be firm and harsh while helping them find the best way for them to solve their problems. But, all the time it's necessary to do so with a voice that shows how much you love them. And sometimes they won't understand you at that moment, but if you really took the effort to be compassionate, someday they will.

And if you're somebody that's really trying hard to be there for people, I respect you so much. How you're so selfless, understanding, and gentle, but still unwavering in your beliefs.

I think St. Thomas Aquinas said it the best: "Love is the effective willing of the good of the other".

Sincerely,
Aaron

Sincerely,
Aaron

Rehabilitated Hope

I haven't blogged in a long time. :(

The past couple of weeks have been dry for me. Not every single moment, but I got so caught up with the wrongs of life that I lost sight of what the rights of life were for me.

Until... I finally took advantage of what really was in front of my eyes. And now I'm feeling a lot better and I'm seeing things a lot more clearly...a lot more healthily... a lot more lively... and a lot more happily.

Although all the bad stuff hasn't really gone totally away, I'm able to take it all in stride because now I'm not entirely focused on all the bad stuff that's happening. There's a lot of good going on right now, and, more importantly, there's hope for a better right now and, subsequently, a better tomorrow.

I can't really explain how thankful I am. But I have to acknowledge that it was someone that helped me see things better. All this person did was be herself. All this person did was be a good person. This person didn't let the bad things influence her. There are still good people out there today. If you find one, don't let he or she go. Good people have a glow about that's so special, a warmth that's consoling, and a radiance that's so attractive. They have an outlook that's worth the emulation. Keep them as reminders to you that it's good to be a good person. There's so many bad people out there that it seems like the only way to be in this world is bad. But good people are those exceptions, and just thinking about them gives life!

Sincerely,
Aaron

Coffehouses

I know I just blogged a couple of hours ago, but I just had to say this.

I love going to coffeehouses to study! You never know who you're going to meet. After I last blogged, I went to Starbucks to read my book for class. I've been getting more apt to study at coffeehouses rather than libraries because, despite it not being as quiet as libraries, the experience is as enriching, I think. I get to see people talk amongst themselves, I get to be motivated by others who are also studying, and I get to enjoy my drink and at the same time study. But most of all, in very special times, I get to meet new people and have some of the most heartfelt and interesting conversations, all with strangers. I've met some great people through just studying at coffeehouses, for the most part I never do meet them again, but regardless they've contributed to my life in small but powerful ways. I especially thank God for allowing me to have a moment with a stranger, all over coffee. How awesome is that!

-Aaron

Reevaluation

I should be doing homework right now, but... I'll savor the act for a little bit later. I guess I'm trying to induce an adrenaline rush. lol.

There's a quote I got from someone's Tumblr account that I can't remember (if this is you, please tell me as I'll give you proper recognition), but this person reblogged this quote:

"One of the hardest decisions of life is whether to walk away or try even harder" - Unknown (if you know who said this please tell me so I can give proper recognition).

I really like how the quote put the statement; I think it's true. In that sense, I then believe we've all made hard decisions (duh). But, for me, I think I did my best to answer my decisions. I tried in everything I decided to walk away from, and that keeps me confident, or at least content, with what I've done.

I don't think I've ever just walked away from a challenge at first confrontation (or at least I can't remember any significant experience of that outcome right now). But I'll be honest to admit that I've tried harder and harder at things, people, stuff,... that just wasn't for me to pursue. And I've been hurt by them too, because I did try harder at them. However, I won't place the blame on them.... it was my choice to do so, then, in this context.

It's a lesson that I've been confronted with time and time again. Every circumstance may be different, but by now I think I've developed a knack for doing what I need to do contently.

Sincerely,
Aaron

A Week Recapped

I have been strangely, and relatively, not been blogging in a while. So hi. :)

A lot happened the past week or so. Some highlights of it:

Tuesday: Since the weather was awesome, I thought it was fitting to celebrate so instead of usually studying at school, I drove to the closest Starbucks to my house and studied there instead. Luckily, I also ran into Alaia and Jazzy, and we sat down with our drinks and enjoyed them and our conversation with each other. Here's a glimpse: "Sunshine, Studying, Conversation, and Coffee...and Tea" :)

My drink is the one without the cup-sleeve; I never really realized the dual use of the cup-sleeves. I was always under the impression that they're only used for hot drinks, but I learned that that's not always the case, as shown here. Needless to say, after I learned of this, I got my own cup-sleeve for my drink: stylish and comfortable to the touch. :)

I definitely love those kinds of meet-ups, especially at coffeehouses. I was able to catch up with them because it's been a long time since I actually got to sit down and talk with them. In fact, today is Alaia's birthday, so happy birthday Alaia! :) And to top off the meeting, Kaila also came to Starbucks, and joined in on the conversation with her own drink. :) I've especially missed hanging out with her; it's always time spent well when I'm with Kaila.

Starting to the right of the phone and moving counterclockwise: Kaila, Alaia, Anjanette, Alaia, Jazzy, and Me.

Monday-Friday: I blogged, about a week ago, about how I took a dance class at Sheldon High School, and that it reminded me of how out-of-shape I am. Well, over the past weekend I really took it to heart and realized I needed to change, so I've made some changes. And I've attacked the issue on two starting grounds: one, I started eating oatmeal for breakfast (hey! it's healthy, right? lol), and two, I started running outdoors (thankfully the weather has been graciously permitting!). It doesn't seem like much really, I know, but it's my start. I ran as much as I could on Monday and Thursday, and I'm hoping to continue a sort of pattern. I don't have a gym membership, as I would rather have gone there if I did, but I'm making due just running, or I should rightfully call it jogging; I've been feeling the effects of the runs so I believe I'm doing okay for now. Oh, and lastly, I've been watching how I've been eating! Well, besides the oatmeal breakfast, I've been trying to just watch what I choose to eat. I only ate fast-food once this week ("Yay me!").

But yeah, hopefully I can really just get back into the shape I used to be, and even better. I'll just try my best and not stress too much about it.

Friday: Today I watched the movie Tangled after reading about it on Cindy's blog. It was awesome, I loved it! Regardless of my age, I really appreciate what the movie offered. It was cute with its comedic flair, definitely, and it effectively played the love aspect of it perfectly. Oh, how I loved the love in it. The climatic ending was so, sooooooooo good; in fact, I didn't see it coming at all, and it was just so perfect. I would LOVE to talk to anyone else who also loved Tangled. I really don't want to tell any of its story here, I don't want to spoil it for you, but I definitely recommend everyone to watch it. I can honestly say it's a loss to you if you don't watch it, I think it's enriching because it reminded me today what mature love should be about, or, moreover, how it should be viewed and respected, sought and coveted. Mandy Moore does a fantastic part playing Rapunzel; her voice alone oozed of cuteness and mastery of the portrayal of the character's feelings. For an animated Disney movie, I really loved this movie! :)

And now.. it's the weekend. :)

Always,
Aaron

Electron Beams, Birthdays, Dancing, and Blogs

Yesterday during Physics lab my class studied the mass to charge ratio of the electron. Usually physics is something most people get to experience on the macroscopic scale, e.g. rainbows, moving cars, and rockets. Today was a completely different type of lab, and probably one of the most beautiful. Granted, not that rainbows, rockets, and moving cars aren't as beautiful, but the scale of the lab we did was the likes of that you would usually see in chemistry lab, but with the jazz. I can't really say what an electron is, as to an actual definition, since the depth of my knowledge on it only knows that it has a dual nature - wave and particle; however, it's been really cool briefly studying how it behaves in certain situations. This picture I took during a part of the lab we did shows how electrons act in a magnetic field (and apparently, it moves in a circle).

Technically, electrons are colorless, but what makes it appear blue is its interaction with what I believe is argon gas within the crystal ball like chamber. If it was some other gas, it would be some other color. But still, beautiful.

Yesterday, it was also my dad's 52nd birthday! We ate at the Sunflower Chinese Restaurant. It was a surprise dinner my mom threw for him, and it turned out pretty well if you ask my stomach, lol. It's always nice to get in touch with family. And my dad really enjoyed it too. It sucked to me knowing he had work afterward (he works graveyard shifts), because if it was my birthday I wouldn't want to be working. But as he said, he needs to do it. I hope I can be that type of example to my kids, always hardworking but at the same time enjoying the time off work.

I'm looking forward to the rest of my weekend. Today I took a masterclass with Jojo at Sheldon High School in the morning. We're very lucky to have been able to go, considering we're not really Universal Rhythm Members anymore, lol. Press Play Dance Co. gladly came and taught a really fun piece, and I got to say I was dying. I'm not much the shape I used to be, definitely, but I tried my best to keep up and had fun :). It really reminded me that I should really start getting back into shape...Eww.

When I was at Sheldon, I had a short conversation with Mrs. Roberts, who heads the Universal Rhythm Dance Co. with Mrs. Hobgood and Mrs. Altamero. We talked a little bit about the concept of blogs with reasonable theories as to why someone might blog. She thinks that blogging emphasis a self-importance that causes one to overlook others. I honestly think there's somewhat truth to that, but only to a small extent. I thanked her for her opinion. I explained to her that I think that blogging allows one the opportunity to show other who are willing to read the truth about oneself. And that's why I blog.

I really encourage those to blog, because blogging allows me and other readers a chance to understand the way you think about things, in addition to see what you are going through, all in the lines of things that you would like to share.

Sincerely,
Aaron

Chillin! (With Pics)

There are some great friends that you keep that you talk with everyday or talk with very often. Then there is definitely another class of great friends that you seldom talk with, but when you get the chance to finally catch-up with them, it seems like the distance and time apart never matter, i.e. it's feels like it was just yesterday that you both last met up and/or talked. Both classes of great friends are a great blessing to me :).

Yesterday I got to chill with Cindy at Lollicup! And I can honestly say it's been a while since I've last seen her, but it was awesome being able to talk with her like that fact didn't really matter. There are some people who I feel so comfortable to talk with and she definitely is one of them! And I can honestly say that she is the most hardworking and caring soul of my age I have ever met. I'm very happy, and consider myself really lucky, to be able to have spent some of her time with her.

Usually when I go to Lollicup I get a Taro Snow, but I asked Cindy's recommendation for something new and she told me to try her favorite, the Milk Tea. I liked it! She was also really open and kind to try my favorite, so she got the Taro Snow and she said she liked it too. I definitely believe in the power of recommendations, and I'm very pleased to have been introduced to the Milk Tea.

One more thing me and Cindy talked about. I'm a very faithful follower of Cindy and other awesome bloggers, including, but not limited to, Minh, Jojo, Desiree, Cassie, and Mariann. Most of the time all of their blogs are on Tumblr (with the exception of Mariann), and very few are on Blogspot, or, like Desiree, were on Blogspot then switched to Tumblr (:p). For me, I favor Blogspot over Tumblr for one main reason: no "reblog". I think it's a nice feature for those who like it, but I really like how Blogspot doesn't have that feature, therefore I can really count on going to Blogspot to read what my friends wrote, and not reblogs. So that's why I stay with Blogspot :).

I hope those who have Spring Break have been having a great time relaxing and chilling too. I get my spring break in April, and I think I have a good idea of what I want to do then too.

Sincerely blessed,
Aaron

The Phenomenon of the Unfit

It makes sense to believe that those with the most fitting credentials are able to take upon the task of which their credentials adhere to, the best, e.g.: An experienced painter with expertise in fine Baroque style can best create Baroque style masterpieces; An aged dancer who can breakdance can best perform a 1990; and a learned physicist can best derive mathematical constructs to physical phenomenon.

And although those may be true, I am obliged to say that such may not always be the case. Sometimes, there are special individuals who are unfit in credentials, fueled by sheer determination, passion, and divine providence, who create masterpieces despite their modest repertoire, lax background and experience. Most notably thought of as the phenomenon, the American ideal of the "Underdog", but that's not my main objective to address. What I want to emphasize is the fact that throughout history, even in my history, there are many times when the unfit is the one making the great masterpieces, accomplishing the dream, and leading the pack.

To me, it's so humbling and moving to acknowledge.

In other words, it is the novice and naive painter producing a masterpiece; it is the unpopular and not as seasoned breakdancer showcasing a 1990-air flair combination; it is the young college physicists that notices and is able to explain the before unexplained.

Granted, such phenomenons are far and few in between, but when it does happen, and it does happen, it just goes to further show how God purposely makes a certain individual especially made for that particular contribution - and that's something we cannot deny. In fact, that's something we just cannot even logically come to grips with. God just wants it that way, and it will happen that way, but of course will only come to happen, only if that particular individual trusts in Him and let's Him guide him or her in his or her actions.

Trust in God, know how much He loves you, and when you submit to His Will, and He will take you places farther than you or any other person can ever imagine in His great design.

Astonished, and rightfully set in place,
Aaron

Key to Peace

The key to peace is sincerely loving God and following Him and His Will.

PS: It is not easy.

With Love,
Aaron

"If I Ever Feel Better"

There are some songs that totally just enhances life, and the perspectives one can have on life. This song, in particular, does just that. This song, like the the other songs I've recommended, puts into words those feelings that one may have felt and could not put into words. I'll let this blog be short, only to acknowledge that this song has all the content that I want to convey to you. With that being said, I love Phoenix!

GRRRRR: Angry

I don't usually get angry at all. A lot of other words could usually describe how I would feel in a particular situation where most people would get angry, instead I would be, for the most part: upset, disappointed, and sad. With that said, there are special times when I do get angry.

It's not pleasant at all.

You can argue that anger could could come from hate; I do not think any of my anger spells came from that orgin. I believe, more than anything, that my anger comes from utter disagreement to a certain behavior or action that has no value or moral reasoning whatsoever to the nth degree - to the point where I would literally question to that particular person "What the HELL are you thinking, are you out of your mind?!". Maybe, then, it would seem fair to say that I hate what other people do that just doesn't make resonable or logical sense. Keep in mind that I have a wide scope of reasonings of others that are not just the beliefs I subscribe with - I only hate hate itself. There is no exception to hate; one speck of it is enough for me to hate it.

Today I had an unforgetable experience of intense angry, fury, moment of rage - just complete madness. The type that boils my blood enough for it undergo a phase change. And it happened because I was angry that one person was so inept to how he portrayed himself as to be received by me (and others) that it infuriated me. I couldn't even stand to stay in the same room as that guy - so I left.

After moments away and a thorough cooling through my nerves I realized that, in clarity, that the experience has taught me to get better in two valuable aspects of my character: I needed to further increase in my patience and understanding.

Sometimes for me it is when my patience is challeneged that I'm able to be more tolerant; apparently I haven't had my patience tested in that magnitude for a while. My understanding, however, inceased ten-fold: now I am newly taught and reminded that there a few select others that do not share in the same morals as me - that there are others who have no idea how to act respectfully to others so they do the only thing they know how to do - egotistically babble and harshly degrade thinking that they are justified and right! Those special few that cannot differentiate between their naivity and perceived experences; those who believe "my good is best and my worst is other's good"; those who believe that they are empirically and foundationaly on righteous ground and others are not! When in reality, those people are just misguided souls and an undeveloped conscience.

My reception to those people are enhanced in the awareness of being in their prescense. I will act accordingly in response, and I hope that my tendency to feel anger has been raised by today.

Now, I'm upset, disappointed, and sad.

Respectfully yours,
Aaron

Reciprocation

"Treat others the way you want to be treated".

I'm at a loss with the phrase. Ideally, it would be an awesome thing if everyone I had a relationship with honored the same phrase; however, such isn't the case. Aside from being ignorant, I give it the benefit of the doubt that appreciation, care, love...etc that is not returned is done so sincerely - as in time or circumstance didn't allow for it.

And again, as an old friend pointed out to me, "Not everyone wants to be treated the way you want to be treated", so subsequently there is the reasoning that sometimes no reciprocation is returned to me because it wouldn't be sincere in the receivers sense.

It's hard to find others who reciprocate to you the care you show to them; it really does show a great testimony of how truly awesome those friends are who do that. Don't let them go.

As for those who don't treat me the way I want to be treated, I continue to try my best to treat them the way I want to be treated, with respect, kindness, and understanding. And when they don't offer the same courtesy back, I admit I grind my teeth, take a deep breath, and hope they could see that I at least tried.

Then I do the same process with another in hopes that what I hope for would come true.

Affectionately yours,
Aaron

Uncensored Post Exam Feelings

Aw. :(

Today I took my second physics exam; my first exam I mustered a B out of, of which I am not particularly thrilled about however I was happy. Unfortunately, I don't think I did as well the second time around. And now I'm feeling down..down..down....

I studied a good amount of time for this test, and felt confident prior to receiving the packet - the first set of questions were easy, middle set was doable, but the final couple were awful. The worst part is that the final part was worth half the exam in points (seriously). I did the best I could, filled in whatever I could with what reasoning I had. I didn't even have enough time to finish the last half of my last question (I wonder who shares this opinion, but I don't think 1 hour and 20 minute lecture periods are enough time for unit/midterm exams).

It really sucks having to leave a test feeling bad after you've studied hard for it. In fact, all I wanted to do right after the test was attack my physics book and just re-study the whole chapter! Does anyone feel like this after they've felt bad after an exam?! But of course, doing that won't change what happened to the test I took... (maybe for the final it may help).

I have two more exam midterms for my World Literature and Critical Thinking and Advanced Composition class. Hopefully I won't have to blog about those tests in this same context.


Darn it.

Sincerely,
Aaron

Exams

To all the college students experiencing Mid-Terms...

Good luck and study well! :)

Always,
Aaron

Love and Loneliness

It is unusual for me to write blogs this early, even in my own history of blogging, so seldom of my blogs are published in the morning. So in honor of this event... Good morning :).

I woke up with a wonderful song resonating in my head. Another artist who I have come to simply love and adore is the wonderful Misty Miller who recently debut her self-titled album in the UK about two weeks ago. She is a young sixteen year old song writer with fantastic skill. Her voice ranks among Adele, in particular, and is sublime.

I purchased her album and I'm thoroughly enjoying it! I recommend it! I love pretty much all of the tracks. The one I would like to talk and reflect about is called "Hope". Unfortunately, I cannot link a song to you in this blog for you to listen to, but I can direct you that song here on her Music Myspace which you can get to by clicking here.

The song "Hope" is a soulful and emphatic, yet reverencing and appreciating, and, of course, hopeful ode of a past love and the effects of it. To me, I find it a beautiful message to the audience of the human heart. What is striking most about this song, at this time to me, is laced and woven in the feeling and singing of the words in the second verse:

I loved it last night when you held me so tight
but then you let go and I was alone

Maybe you may have had the experience already, but if not I am without certainty that at one point in your life you may have to leave and let go of a relationship, idealized or not, and move on, and in the process of letting go I believe that the understanding and richness of the presence of love in your life will increase invaluably.

Maybe, even, in the process of letting go you would have to leave the other person alone. So at this point I would like to ask you to put into perspective the other person. This blog isn't dedicated to you. This blog is dedicated to the person who you left by leaving, this person who loved you and you left him or her. Whatever the reason of why you left, my point is that you did leave, and my aim is to consider how the other person may have felt in this certain scenario.

I'll try to put to words the feelings that I've received from Misty Miller's singing of the words in her second verse:

I loved it last night when you held me so tight
but then you let go and I was alone

Alone. My goodness, it's such a huge challenge to equivocate what my heart speaks to me in the hearing of the word. If someone you loved left you, and, in the result, has left you alone - coping is just...doesn't seem doable. The one who you loved was the person...you loved. That one special person who was your stronghold, your understanding, your comfort, your person deigned by God to apparently have not been the one for you, but on to who you have put in place of the one who you felt, to the best of your existence, God placed for you to love.

But Misty Miller, extraordinary in her talent, sings the following lines:

I loved it last night when you held me so tight
but then you let go and I was alone

...with dual emanating emotion - sadness and hopefulness. The sadness on which I've propounded about, and the hopefulness which seems to take into consideration a reverence of the event AND a calmness perpetuated by a solace. When I hear her sing those lines, I don't get awfully sad, even though the words read alone seem so awful. Instead, in hearing her singing of those lines, I feel partially sad, and I feel, in all calmness, okay. It's like she's able to sing the feeling of being okay, while even though the most devastating thing has happened.

The point is that it's hard to feel "okay" when you're left alone. That is what's so revolutionary about what I've come to gain from the song.

Sincerely,
Aaron

Higher

Recently, I've been listening to some really talented artists, and I think of all the ones I've listen to right now I'd like to share one in particular.

B.o.B has been captivating me with his music and his range of talents from rapping fresh lines to singing his own hooks. And off his No Genre mixtape (which I highly recommend), there is one song that I can never get tired of - honestly. It's called "Higher"

The chorus goes like this:

I’ll take you higher
Higher than you’ve ever been
See things you never thought,
You thought would never exist
Higher, higher than you’ve ever been
Where we go we won’t fall
We’ll stay there
Cuz there’s a place
With no walls
It’s been ages
Since we’ve gone
Get away
So long
Levitate
Higher than you’ve ever been, higher

I would be hard-pressed to not consider that he may be talking about drugs. However, I don't think it's so clear; if you listen to his other songs, in addition to this song, he has, I think, very complex and profound wordplay, cleverness, and wit. Nevertheless, he could be talking about drugs that give him that "high", but I still think it's more than that.

In my last blog I blogged a little about the moments that made me extremely happy. In fact, just thinking about how happy those moments made me feel makes me hopeful that one day I can be in that state of mind again. And this hook by B.o.B. does just that.

When I sing the hook to myself, I find it incredibly cathartic and therapeutic; essentially, the hook puts into words things I can say to make me happy just thinking about happiness!

"Cause there's a place...No walls...It's been ages...Since we've gone" Metaphorically, I think he could be talking about Heaven in some intricate way. That would infer that he would have been to Heaven before, which couldn't be technically true (Unless he was Catholic...But that's for another blog). But haven't there been times when people would say, "Oh, I'm in heaven!"? He doesn't necessarily have to talk about Heaven.

I think that's what makes the thought so appealing to me because it reminds me about the times when I thought I was in heaven. And it's been a while since I've been in a situation when I could say "this is heaven"; truly, such experiences are far and few in between. "Cause there's a place...No walls...It's been ages...Since we've gone"...

Here's a Youtube where you can listen to it. For the record, the first verse is so envigorating - it really makes me want to really stive harder and succeed in whatever I'm doing. He even mentions a little physics in rhyming about "gravity" and "relativity" which makes me incredibly happy.

So definitely, I hope you can take a look at the first verse and, especially, the chorus into a deeper analysis for yourself...See where the words, beat, and feeling of the song take you. Maybe, one day again you can be there again - you're own earthly interpretation of "heaven".

**I only recommend B.o.B's first verse and all subsequent chorus parts. The other rappers aren't worth to much to talk about in comparsion to B.o.B's presence on the song.

Lyrics:
You may not know my name,
But by the time I leave you’ll
Remember the B to the O to the B
And every single dot that’s in between.
And every time I hop up in the scene,
I’m feeling like I’m better than before.
I’m ready for whatever,
If you feel me let me know,
Cuz I just wanna flow.
I got up in this game trying to prove that I’m better than before,
But I don’t even sweat it anymore.
I get up in the zone,
as I coast,
As I take flight,
Gravity better hold me tight.
Your relativity don’t mow me right.
On every single kick, every snare, every line
Please don’t compare niggas to me cuz I’m hell on the mic.
I’m down for the gamble like a red pair of dice,
You scared of the fight,
When you lay down and prepare for the night,
I’ll be in the air on the flight.
I don’t even care with the time
High in the days of my mind.
Every single face that’ll say ‘hey Bobby Ray’
I say ‘Hi’.
You’re living the craziest life,
In a pair of shades ima bathe in a spot like Rays
Making every nightclub jump like raves,
Braves, braves,
Home of the Braves,
Eastside Atlanta that’s where I stay

I’ll take you higher
Higher than you’ve ever been
See things you never thought,
You thought would never exist
Higher, higher than you’ve ever been
Where we go we won’t fall
We’ll stay there
Cuz there’s a place
With no walls
It’s been ages
Since we’ve gone
Get away
So long
Levitate
Higher than you’ve ever been, higher



Always,
Aaron

Ideal

Is anything ever ideal?

No. Of course not! I don't think I can recount any experience I've had that was ever ideal. Unfortunately, and sadly, I think I have the talent of finding a flaw in every experience. Sure I remember moments of pure happiness; however, I don't think those situations were in any way ideal.

I always get my blood pressure checked at least once a month. I actually have a consistent monthly account of my BP readings for the past year and half. There were some months where I was considered pre-hypertension, but I usually plummeted back down to a normal reading the month after. What's more interesting is that the same nurse usually takes my BP reading, and she would always ask the question "How are you today? I'm about to take your BP so try and release every stressing thought you have"....

Last month I had the same BP check-up, and she asked me the same question again, as she always has asked me for the past year and a half, and it never occurred to me until now that I always had something going on at the time to excuse whatever BP reading I got. And then it struck me..

"Is anything ever really ideal?" No!

The realization was incredibly simple and powerful. I always had an excuse to a bad (or good) BP reading regardless of the outcome of the test. Granted, the excuse was probably substantial, but the point is that I don't think there was ever a time when I said, "Okay, today's reading will be great! Everything is okay".

In fact, everything is not okay. Unfortunately, the moment I'm writing this blog right now I'm having problems. Rank them however you want in severity - it does not matter. Let's disregard the possibility that "I make things a problem that aren't really a problem" - perhaps maybe I do do so - and consider that my problems are really problems. Is it even realistic to hope that one day I will actually have "no problems"?

The life I've lived has taught me that, sadly, I don't think I'll ever be problem-free, and I'm forced to believe so. I don't believe this makes me a pessimist; it is just an axiom of life. After first-hand realizing that my naive idealist perspective that someday "everything will be okay" and "I'll have no more problems" is invalid, it would seem that I would have no gain from the revelation, but thankfully I have attained a humble bit of solace in the experience that I would like to share.

I think the lesson I need to apply to my life is a bit of Yoda-wordplay:

"Is everything okay? No, but I am okay with everything"

I think that's why, thankfully, life has been good to me with some of the most memorable and happiest experiences one could ever had lived through. That's why I can say I've known happiness. And therein lies the answer to the pursuit of it - being okay with everything.

"In the acceptance of whatever happens, lies perfect joy". - Mother Angelica.

Sincerely,
Aaron

Thanks

I would like to take this time to acknoledge all the people who read my last blog and showed their concern and care to what was written. It is such care, in addition to many other beautiful faucets of life, that make me realize how affectionately blessed I am by God. I only hope the kindness and understanding that to those who I mention I am able to reciprocate.

I also want them to know that I never overlooked their presence or did not consider their help in the midst of my trials. It is extremely difficult to hide anything from those who sincerely care about you; moveover, those who have told you, "I am here for you". However, in such a situation, as I have told, I did not find that doing so would have helped; doing so could have possibly added onto the problem for me, and/or caused unecessary conflicts for those who showed affection - I did not want them, those who would have really tried to find a cure for me, to feel helpless in trying to help me. For those who I mentioned, your kindness and understanding in this matter, as in previous matters, is what I hope for.

Fear

I think this blog will be particularly hard for me. I don't know know what possessed me to actually blog about it, but I feel assured that everything will be okay.

Looking back on a lot of my previous blogs, it's really cool that I'm able to sort of remember when I wrote them. And re-reading them makes me smile. It's especially nice to re-read all the comments I used to get on my blogs; it's kind of a humbling reminder that people actually read my blogs lol :). It's definitely nice to be able to look back and reminisce about when things were so different...

But unfortunately, right now things for me are extremely different than how they used to be from how I was before the beginning of 2010.

Honestly, the past year has been journey for me - a journey of fear. I've been living in fear the past year. Fear had continually consumed my days; each and every day for one year. And for one year I've been constantly afraid, worried, and scared. And embarrassed about it. It's been so hard. So, so hard. And it was mentally painful, and saddened me to the core of my soul. It honestly shook my faith and tested me to my limits.

Father Corapi once said there will be a time in your life when you'll be so scared that you won't be able to move. And it's true. I've been there...and I've lived it.

I'm writing this right now to put into word what others most probably won't - and I could totally understand why. But I've deemed it important to not deny the ordeal, and to no longer conceal it because I've been hiding it for too long. I don't do so in hopes for sympathy. I do so as I think it necessary. I am not perfect. I'm far from it, and I won't deny it, and I won't hide it. And I think this is what I think I need to do; I think this is where I need to go; I think this is what will make the difference.

"I perfer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather to be false, and incur my own abhorrence." - Frederick Douglass

But do you know what's been able to sustain me? I don't know how I would have been able to handle this past year if it hasn't been for God's love. And I won't lie, it's been a struggle for me because at time's it's been hard to feel it while other times I'm so immersed in it. And I won't lie, there have been plenty of times when I've let the Devil enter my thoughts and take me down. And I won't lie, I've lost faith many times.

But I won't lie, God always seemed to have more faith in me than I had in myself. I won't lie, God never gave up on me. I won't lie, God held me those times when I fell flat on my face, held me in His arms, and lifted me up so I could live on. He only gave me something I can handle.

And finally, I won't lie - "God's Will be done" has been the hardest thing for me to let go and surrender to. But when I do surrender to His Will, and I do my best, I feel alive. I can't assure myself that the future will go the way I want it to go, so I won't anymore. But I am sure that God loves me, and only wants the best for me, and that anything that happens to me will be the best for me; and that I can be at peace with.

I recommend to you to let go and let God. That's the only way I got through my fear. And trust me, I've tried everything else. But nothing is more powerful than God. He is bigger than any of your fears.

Sincerely,
Aaron