I can

I love this poem:

Pessimist, Optimist, Realist

A pessimist is he
Who shuts his eyes
To the rising sun.

An optimist is he
Who looks up and sees
Through the teeming clouds.

A realist is he
Who faces the clouds
And adores the sun.

—Sri Chinmoy

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I have so much to do. I really do, and it's getting to feel very burdensome. Sometimes I feel like it's all too much to handle, and to be honest, honestly I've felt like giving up plenty of times, but then during Holy Adoration Hour at the Blessed Sacrament, I've become renewed. Thanks God.

God never gives you too much that you cannot handle. He only blesses you with what you can handle. And although I've been blessed with a lot to do, and it feels different to me, this is all just an encouragement to continue to do my best, because He believes in me that I can accomplish. He wouldn't bless me with so much to do if I couldn't.

I'm on my hustle.

Really, I'm on it.

Can't forget it.

I woke up early today to do homework because I was too tired to do it last night. After about an hour of it, I decided to take a break and get a Hot Mocha Cappuccino...mmmm. There's a donut shop close to where I live and I love going there to buy something to eat (Yeah, I eat on my breaks...too bad I take a lot of breaks). The Donut Shop opens and closes early, about 4:30 AM to 2PM everyday, so the only time I really get to go there is before school.

As I got my Hot Mocha Cappuccino, I bought it size large, I began to remember something about the shop, kind of like Dejavu. I remember going to the same donut shop about a while back ago, probably like 3 years ago during one morning for summer. I remember that summer, I was very motivated to wake up early and exercise...see how well that turned out ; ). Haha. So I remember going there to buy the drink I love the most there, a fairly cheap drink, and you probably guessed it, a Hot Mocha Cappuccino.

Here's why I didn't just forget that morning, what made that morning I'll always remember. That morning buying my drink, I remember having money, but not enough money. I was short like 50 or 75 cents. I had thought I had enough for the money, but I remember that I didn't, and the counter lady already made my perfect drink. I didn't have my license yet, so I couldn't just go to my car and get extra change. I was a little embarrassed to not have enough money, because she already made my drink and all...

Then there was one lady behind me, saw my situation, and told the lady at the counter "I'll pay the rest of his amount". And then I looked back and said...well first I was shocked, then happy, then embarrassed a little, and said, "Are you sure? I'm sorry to have kept the line" - "No, it's okay! Don't worry about it *Smile*". She interrupted my apology.

I smiled and said "Thank you so much! I promise I'll pay you back! Thank you!".

I came back the next day, around the same time, and the day after, hoping to catch that same lady so I can pay her back for her kindness. She paid for a total stranger. I never saw her again.

I'll never forget it. It definitely made my morning, I remember. : )

Wherever she is now, I don't know, but she taught me a lesson. Free kindness makes an impact on people. God Bless her. Who said chivalry is dead?

Worth it? or Na.

That's the question I've been thinking a lot about these past days. It's all a gamble - a sequence of choices, trade-offs, and opportunity costs. I've been put through some interesting situations the past week. There are some things I wish I could have done better if I was put in the situation again, but Life says I can't redo moments in time. But one thing's for sure, it takes a lot out of me, and I've been exhausted.

It's tricky, though, you know the thought of investment into something that you're not quite sure about. So much to think about before you act.

Why is it that no one says "Feel before you act"? If you do what feels right, then that should be the best calling to answer. But it's a good thing we don't react to situations like that. Our heads were put above our hearts (and those two were put above our reproductive organs) for a reason.

But I have to be honest, when you let something pass by, it sucks watching it pass you by. Even though you know it's for the better that you let it pass by, you know in your heart that it could have been you taking that opportunity. You know in your heart that you're different from the others, that you're unique, that you can do it better, that you're what is needed, and that you fit the criteria perfectly, like it was meant to be.

I hope it's worth it, but let me tell you, I feel it. I wonder if you do too.

Unwavering

2009 brought a lot of new things to my life, even though the year is young. I know how it feels like to go to class for 4 periods, and I swear it feels like my day is a lot longer. I always had that break class during third period, but I just have to get used to it. I'm bombarded with homework consistently every night, I always thought my senior year was going to be easier than this, but I got to do it. I'll finish strong, end high school with a little more pride than if I had just slacked off.

Something pretty new, and I don't want to jinx it, is my sleeping pattern! Random, but so far throughout the year I haven't excessively overslept. Many times I wake up without an alarm clock, and it feels great. It's like I have an internal alarm clock, and I'm thankful I can wake up. I wonder how life would be different if I didn't need to sleep, I think I would get so much more done! But then, if I never needed to sleep, then I could never go to bed at the end of the night, head on my pillow and say "Today was a good day, I did a lot for me and others. Thank God".

I still love to drive, I don't know how some people get tired of it. Maybe I'm just too young still to get tired of it. At the end of a long, and sometimes stressful day, I like to drive in silence. It's really therapeutic. We are all too consumed by the noise of the day, and I really get annoyed by too much noise.

I read this in a book somewhere...
"It's okay to lend a helping hand, but the challenge is asking them to let go".

When I am really helpful, I give a lot of effort into the hand I'm lending. Some people take too much of it, they get used to me always helping them out, and never let go. They grab on to all the charity, but never understood that with charity comes a learning experience, a gratis to encourage them to pay the deed forward, and humility. I'm getting tired of giving out fish. I want to make people fishermen - the footsteps of the Lord.

New

I watched American Idol the other day, and I feel Casey Carlson for the win! She's pretty beautiful, kind of like Cassie. Best wishes to her, and I'll be voting.

Four years into Universal Rhythm, and now I'm finally out of it. It's weird. I have first lunch from now on, and I'll be able to wear the same thing from first to fourth period. I'm still with company, but I'll be out of the dance room.

Life goes on, always changing. In fact, the only constant thing is change. I just watched George Bush's farewell speech. He makes true points, and I feel like he doesn't deserve all of the hate on him. I loved it how in his speech he talked a lot about protecting the vulnerable and defenseless. He's been president for the past eight years, and now change has come. I just pray this change is the change we need. America is a beautiful country.

*4tune - Just Let it Go

One last something. I'm graduating this year and I'll need to leave a lot of things behind. I'm hoping for acceptance letters. I'm hoping for a new life. It's not like I want leave the one I have now, but I'm just glimpsing the surface. There's a whole world out there. Who's to say I'm not ready for it. And besides, how will I ever know that I'm not even ready for it all if I don't at least try it all out.

A lot of people live for the now. They accumulate all their efforts for just having it good now, okay in a few hours, but leave the future for sightless. I don't chew more than I can swallow. In fact, I really like living day by day. The future is so unstable, always changing. But I hope for a bright one. I ready myself for the future, and I plan my actions now....so to say I wrap the present so it's presentable later on.

I like being alone. Before I didn't use to like it, but now I really do. You figure yourself out alone. Look at things a different way. Appreciate more of what you have. Breathe. I think a lot of us are afraid of being alone. It's not in our nature. But I think it's what a lot of us need.

Anyways, I know I'm never truly alone. God's always there. That's what makes alone time really special to me.